Kangaroo
by Julimay
Summary: „So? What's the father's name?" At Kate's question Lanie's gaze flicked towards Castle for a second before she handed Kate the paper. „Look for yourself." When Kate read the name written on the paternity test she looked up at Lanie in shock. „You are kidding, right?".. The appearance of a little girl during a case turns Castle's and Beckett's world upside down. Set season 3.
1. Chapter 1

_This story is set in season 3. Kate is still with Josh, but Rick already broke up with Gina.  
I think that is all you need to know for now. _

_English is still not my native language so I'm still looking to improve it. Feel free to point out mistakes so I can correct them. _

O-o-o-o-o

Castle was waiting for Kate in front of the victim's building, two cups of steaming hot coffee in his hands. He didn't have to wait long until Kate parked her car in the empty parking spot in front of him. Castle watched her getting out of the car.

She looked beautiful like she always did. He had to remind himself that telling her that wasn't his place. She had Josh for that.

His heart just didn't care about the fact that she had a boyfriend. It made a quick jump anyway when she smiled at him as she took the offered coffee. Kate Beckett's smile was on his top five list of beautiful things in the world. And he had seen a lot of beautiful places.

"Ready to go in?" she asked him after she'd taken the first sip of her vanilla latte. He shook the thoughts of Kate's beauty off for the moment and nodded. They had a murder to solve after all. And that was something he loved doing. He loved the mystery, he loved the excitement but most of all he loved working with Beckett. He just loved those moments when they were thinking the exact same thing and were finishing each other's sentences. Of course it made remembering that she had a boyfriend more difficult too.

Castle followed Kate into the dilapidated building. The hallway was dark and filthy. Castle hid his nose in his jacket when the nauseating smell hit his nose. There was vomit and other disgusting liquids on the floor and the walls.

"Looks like a happy place" Castle stated sarcastically when he stepped over a few syringes and some shattered bottles of alcohol. Kate gave him an annoyed look but silently agreed with him.

They reached their destination and stepped through the open door. The boys and Lanie should be here already.

The victim's tiny apartment was surprisingly clean and tidy in comparison to the building itself and the hallway. There was only one room really. It seemed to be a living room, kitchen and bedroom all at the same time. Half on the coffee table and half on the floor lay a woman, probably around 30. The victim. Blood had spilled under her. It seemed like she had been shot in the chest.

"Where's Lanie?" asked Kate when she caught sight of Esposito standing alone in front of the victim, grim look on his face.

"With Ryan and the witness in the other room" he pointed to a door that Kate had thought belonged to a closet.

"Why is Lanie with the witness?" asked Kate confused. That was Espo's job. Lanie should be out here examining the body.

Castle was walking around, examining the room while Kate talked to the other detective. She would never admit it but Beckett knew her partner was good with details. Most times it looked like he was wandering around without reason but Kate knew he was remembering every little thing he saw.

"Because the witness is scared of me and started to scream when I tried to talk to her. Lanie is trying to calm her down so you or Ryan can talk to her." Espo explained. His expression was grim. Kate was still confused. Why would the witness be scared of Esposito? He was a cop like Ryan and herself.

At his next words Kate looked at him in shock while Castle who had finished his journey around the room was beside her again made an agonized noise. "The witness is five"

"Crap" Kate swore. She hated cases that involved children. Murder was bad enough for adults to deal with. Kids shouldn't have to deal with violence at all.

When she looked around the room again she noticed a few toys. A doll on the couch, a teddy bear on the kitchen table and a puzzle on the floor, only inches away from the body.  
Kate took a deep breath. This case was going to be hard.

"Alright. Castle, come on. Let's go see the child." Another reason why she didn't like kids involved in cases was because she didn't really feel like a kid's person and didn't know how to talk to them most of the time. She hoped Castle could help. _He_ was good with kids.

She knocked and carefully opened the door. The room wasn't much bigger than a closet and only held a small bed and a basket with a few unfolded clothes. The little girl sat in the corner of the bed, her knees pulled to her chest and her face hidden. She was rocking back and forth.

Lanie was kneeling in front of the bed and Ryan was standing beside her. They didn't seem to make any progress. Castle went over and kneeled down beside Lanie in front of the girl in a matter of seconds.

His heart broke at the sight of the scared underweight little girl. She wasn't even crying. She seemed to be too traumatized. Castle immediately noticed that he wasn't going anywhere with just trying to talk to her. He got up again to whisper something in Kate's ear. When she nodded he went out of the room again.

Kate sent Lanie and Ryan out so there weren't too many people around the girl. She watched her for a short time, hoping Castle would know what to do.

He returned seconds after, the doll and the teddy bear in his hands. He passed by Kate and went down on his knees in front of the bed again. His hands which held the toys rested on the bed, a good twenty inches away from the girl so not to scare her further.

"Hello, I'm a teddy bear. My name is Bob" Castle started to speak in a low voice while he let the stuffed animal walk a few steps on the bed.

"Hi Bob" he let the doll respond in a high pitched voice. "I'm Lucy. I'm a doll"

"Don't be silly, Lucy. I know who you are. And you know who I am" Deep voice again. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the strangers over there."

Kate looked between him and the girl. She hadn't looked up yet but she seemed to have stopped rocking back and forth, listening to Castle playing with her toys.

"What strangers?" _Lucy _asked. Then he let her turn around and make a jump back. The doll was hiding behind the bear now. "I don't like strangers" High pitched voice.

"Don't be scared, Lucy" _Bob _said. "Let's ask them who they are. Maybe they are nice."

When _Bob _turned to face Castle, _Lucy _looked shyly over his shoulder. The girl hid her face behind her hands but Kate could see that she was peeking through her fingers.

"Who are you?" _Bob _asked Castle, going all protective on the doll.

"I'm Rick", Castle answered in the gentlest voice Kate had ever heard him use. "And the woman over there is my friend Kate. She is a police detective and catches bad guys"

Rick noticed that the girl was shifting back into her previous position at the mention of police. They would have to find out what this was about later.

For now Castle immediately picked up the girl's fear of the police in his little play.  
"I don't like the police" the doll said, sounding terrified.  
"Yeah, Rick, we don't like the police" _Bob _said angrily.

"Oh really?" Castle asked. Beckett was more than impressed when he got the girl to look up again. Still through her hands but she was watching again. "But they are good friends to me. We always have a lot of fun solving mysteries together."

Castle was getting closer and closer to the girl. Inch by inch. The hand holding the doll was nearly touching her foot. He sat _Lucy _down and pulled his hand back.

"And they are not mean or evil?" _Bob _asked skeptical.  
"No, they are pretty nice. Maybe there are some officers that aren't so nice but my friends are. Look, Bob, Kate over there is really nice. She sometimes pretends she doesn't like me." Castle told the teddy bear in his normal voice. Then he mock whispered "But Bob, can I tell you a secret?"

Kate noticed the girl leaning forward to hear what Castle was going to say. But he whispered against the stuffed animal so nobody could hear.

"Do you want to know too, Lucy?" he asked the doll but he had abandoned the toy in the hope that the girl would pick it up.

First nothing happened but then the girl slowly reached out to take the doll in her hand. She let the doll nod. Rick smiled and leaned forward, coming closer to the girl but careful not to touch her.

"I know she really likes me. Even while she pretends to be annoyed with me" he whispered loudly enough for the girl (and Kate) to hear. Kate rolled her eyes but was secretly very thankful that he had gotten the girl out of her terrified state.

She had picked up the doll and was curiously watching Castle _talking _with the teddy bear. She didn't answer yet but Kate was confident that he had the situation under control and she didn't have to get an expert for traumatized kids. Not immediately at least.

When there was a knock on the door she left Castle with the girl. He gave her a short smile before he turned back to playing with the stuffed animal.

In the main room stood her friends. They seemed to be ready to leave. The body had already been picked up.

"How is it going in there?" Ryan asked.  
"Okay, I guess. Castle is doing amazing." They all nodded relieved. After yelling and screaming at Espo and rocking back and forth traumatized after that they all were concerned about the little girl's wellbeing.

"Alright" Kate said, full detective-mode on. "Fill me in"

"So the victim's name is Cornelia Medusa. Age 29. Shot in the chest once. Time of death between 9 am and 11 am" Lanie started.

"The guy who called her in is a reporter who is staying in this building for research. Crazy guy but we can be lucky that he is. Otherwise we wouldn't be here today. He heard the shot and called the police. We asked the other neighbors but nobody saw or heard anything. They all said they didn't know the victim." Espo rolled his eyes.

"This reporter, James Tompton, was the only one who had useful information." Ryan continued. "He knew that Cornelia had a child but he never saw her. It seems like Cornelia left her at home whenever she went out. He said she was sometimes gone for days before she came back."

"He is sure that she was using drugs but said she was at least somehow in her right mind to care for the child when she came back from wherever she went. He never saw a boyfriend or another guy that could be the father but he has only been living here for 8 months."

"We found the child's birth certificate. She is 5 years and two months old. Her name is Sophie Medusa. No father known."

"That's all we know so far" Espo finished.

"Thanks guys. See if you can find out if she had any relatives, if and where she worked and check her phone records. I'll meet you at the precinct" Kate ordered.

"And Lanie, call me when you find something that will help us. I'll see if Castle is able to calm her down enough so you can take some blood so we can find out who her father is." Lanie nodded and the three of them made her way out while Kate went back to the little room to see how Castle was doing.

Before she could knock the door opened a little and the teddy bear peaked out. Castle looked out too and saw that only Kate was still here. He smiled at her before he turned around to talk to the girl, well the doll.

"Lucy" he said "Only my friend Kate is still here. You think your friend Sophie is okay to go with her? She just told me she was going to get something to eat and you told me that Sophie is hungry."

Kate couldn't help but be impressed with Rick when the girl actually responded.  
"I want to stay with you" Sophie said about to break into tears at the thought to go anywhere without the one person she started to trust.

"Of course I'm coming with you" Castle told her soothingly before he grinned at her and told her conspiratorially "I'm pretty hungry myself. I feel like I could eat at least three plates full of food."

Sophie giggled lightly and when Castle asked her if she wanted to walk herself or be carried by him she held her hands out for him to pick her up.

It was probably good that Sophie went all shy on Kate and hid her face in the crock of Castle's neck when she noticed her standing just outside the little room. This way she couldn't see the place where her mother had been murdered.

O-o-o-o-o

Once they were in the restaurant Castle ordered spaghetti with tomato sauce for Sophie, a salad for Kate (she wasn't really hungry given the fact she just had lunch before being called to the crime scene) and lasagna for himself.

The girl had taken residence on his lap and wasn't leaving his side for a second. While they played with the doll and the stuffed animal Kate texted Esposito to ask him to give her an update on the investigation.

They came up empty on the relatives. The parents had died when Cornelia was just a little girl and the grandparents who had raised her died in a car accident nearly 6 years ago. Before that Cornelia had started a modeling career but disappeared after her grandparent's death.

The phone records weren't much of a help either. And until now they hadn't found a workplace or something like that. They were trying to find out where she went when she left Sophie alone, but the neighborhood wasn't very forthcoming with information. Everybody claimed that they knew nothing.

Kate sighed and put her phone back on the table. They would need to ask Sophie what she remembered and run her blood to see if they could get a match on her father. That was something she wasn't looking forward to. If they got a match it would mean that the person already had a police record which could only mean trouble for the girl.

She watched her play with Castle while sitting on his lap. She seemed comfortable there but flinched every time someone else came too close. Kate wondered what the little girl had experienced in her short life, how much she had seen or heard from her mother's murder. Kate felt a pang of nausea at the thought that a little innocent kid could have witnessed the murder of her mother.

She didn't know how they should find out how much she knew. It wasn't like they could just outright ask her. Kate remembered how traumatized she had looked when they found her and how she still flinched every other minute.

No, they couldn't just ask her, but didn't children express their experiences through other forms? Kate suddenly had an idea.

"Do you want to draw a picture, Sophie?" she asked as gently as she could but it didn't help much. The little girl immediately hid her face in Castle's chest. She shook her head.

Castle, who almost instantly understood what she was trying to do, said "Oh that's a great idea. I love drawing pictures. Its so much fun" He put a lot of excitement in his voice which made Sophie curious.

"Really?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Yes!" Castle promised, and then looked at Kate. "Can you see if you can get us some crayons and paper, Kate?"

"Of course. I'll be right back with drawing material for you and Sophie" The girl watched her leave and Kate hoped they could get a lead out of her drawings.

The moment Kate returned their food arrived and Sophie's eyes grew big on the amount of food the waiter placed in front of her. She didn't want to leave Castle's lap to eat and he didn't make her. He cut her spaghetti and handed her a spoon. He held her with one arm and ate one-handed, trying to cut his lasagna with his fork.

Kate had already adored him for the way he was with Alexis but seeing him with this little girl did funny things to her heart. She loved to see him so caring and responsible. And mature. It was a side of him she didn't get to see too often.

Sophie ate like she hadn't eaten in weeks. She emptied her plate which had been adult size and looked at Castle's lasagna like she was still hungry. He, of course, noticed her look and asked her if she wanted to try it and let her eat as much as she wanted before he finished his plate.

"Do you want ice cream, Sophie?" Castle asked when the waiter took their empty plates away.  
"What is ice cream?" the little girl asked and Castle looked at her in shock.

"It's a dessert. You eat it after you finish lunch or dinner. It's delicious. You will like it" he finally said and ordered a bowl of each flavor they had.

That's why they got 32 different kinds of ice cream. Kate shook her head at him but smiled nonetheless. He was just too adorable. Silly, but adorable nonetheless.

Castle told Sophie to try every flavor he ordered and said she should choose the one she liked the most. Kate couldn't help but laugh at the disappointed look when she settled for chocolate. Kate took the bowl with the vanilla ice cream.

"You two are just so boring" he pouted. "Chocolate and vanilla are probably the most boring flavors of ice cream on earth."

"Well Castle, not everyone likes meat-ball with popcorn flavored ice cream" Kate shuddered and eyed his bowl horrorstruck. "That's just disgusting"

When he made a disgusted face at his own creation Kate started to laugh. Sophie watched him closely.  
"You don't like it" she observed. "Why don't you pick another one?" she asked curiously.

"No, no, Sophie. It's delicious. I like it just fine" Castle argued. The little girl eyed him skeptically. When the look on his face got even more disgusted with the next spoonful she got confused.

"You are right, Sophie. He hates it" Kate told her and felt relieved when she didn't hide from her this time. She still looked shyly at her but also wanted her to explain.

"He just doesn't want to admit it because he laughed at our choice of _boring _ice cream before. And now he is too proud to give in and thinks he needs to finish this awful disgusting ice cream" Sophie listened to Kate while she explained and Castle was pleased to see the little girl opening up towards her.

"You are wrong. It's absolutely delicious. The best ice cream I've ever tasted" he argued again. This time Sophie was able to tell that he was just pretending and laughed at his disgusted face.

"He's lying" Kate whispered conspiratorially and shared a smile with Castle when Sophie giggled.

After they finished their ice cream Castle scooped Sophie up in his arms, paid for their meal and left enough tip so nobody would complain about him stealing the crayons.

"So Sophie, do you know who your dad is?" Castle asked on the way to the car. The little girl shook her head.

"Okay. That's no problem, sweetie. Kate and I are going to take you to a friend. Her name is Lanie. She is really nice too. She will help us find out who your dad is, alright?"

She tightened her hold around Rick's neck.

"It's okay sweetie. I will be with you the whole time. And after we finished with Lanie I'm going to buy you some things, okay? Like toys and clothes, alright?" she nodded but still clung to him tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

They had just finished with Lanie when Montgomery called Beckett to tell her to come back to the precinct and bring Castle and the girl with her.

"Okay, Sophie" he started once they were in the car. The little girl was in his lap in the backseat like she had been before. "We need to go to Kate's workplace now to sort some things out. There will be a lot of people. Some of them maybe want to talk to you. But don't worry, I promise to stay with you the whole time"

The stress these news caused Sophie was evident when she turned around in his lap and hold on to his neck for dear life. She clutched the fabric of his shirt in her hands and started to shake.

"Hey, it's okay, Sophie. I'm staying with you. I promise. I'm not going anywhere" he soothed and repeated his words time and time again. He felt her relaxing slowly in his arms. After some time she stopped shaking and cuddled into his chest.

She yawned but his experience with Alexis told him that she was fighting sleep.

"Shhh, go to sleep. It's okay, sweetie" he said, rubbing her small back. Her hold on him tightened like she was afraid he would leave her alone once she fell asleep.

"I won't leave you alone while you are asleep" he promised and felt her relaxing slightly again.  
"You won't?" she asked insecurely.

He shook his head. "I promise."  
"Can I stay in your arms?" she asked shyly.

When he told her he wouldn't put her down for a second she laid her head on his shoulders and he felt her breathing even out in a matter of seconds.

Kate glanced through the rearview mirror. She would gladly admit that she was totally impressed with Castle's abilities as a father. He was completely focused on Sophie. He hugged the little girl close to his chest and stroked the back of her head calmly.

When he caught her watching him he gave her the most adorable smile before she had to focus on the road again. She felt a smile on her own lips too. She could totally picture Castle with Alexis when she had been Sophie's age.

o-o-o-o-o

"Come on Castle, lay her down on the couch in the break room." Espo suggested.

"Yeah Castle, we can see her through the window" Ryan added. „Nothing is going to happen. Your back must be hurting by now."

"No" he said forcefully and Kate knew he wouldn't give in. Not after what she heard him promise Sophie in the car.

Beckett and Castle, along with Sophie had joined the boys at the precinct. Ryan and Espo had updated them on what little they had found out about Cornelia Medusa. Right now Ryan was trying to get the victims phone records while Espo was researching if there were any surveillance videos near the victims place. Beckett was waiting for her boss to show up. He hadn't been very specific during their phone call. He had just told her to come back to the precinct with Castle and Sophie.

"Child services is here" Montgomery announced at this moment, stepping out of the elevator. A woman in her mid-forties was standing beside him.

Kate felt Castle tense beside her and involuntarily took a few steps back, tightening his hold on the little girl. His protective father instincts were kicking in.

"Hi, I'm Chloe Anderson. Who is the lead detective?" she introduced herself. She seemed to be a strict woman who always went by the rules. This could get difficult.

Kate stepped forward and intentionally placed herself in front of Castle to cover him from Mrs Anderson's direct line of vision.

"That would be me. Detective Kate Beckett. Nice to meet you, Mrs Anderson" she shook the woman's hand politely. She noticed Ryan and Esposito where standing closer to Castle than before, ready to back him up.

"Where is the girl? I have to take her with me" The firm woman told her.

"I'm sorry but that's not possible. We still need her. She is a witness in our murder investigation and we still have to run her blood to see if we can identify her father" Kate countered.

"I don't care about your investigation, detective. At this time she is an orphan and needs to be taken in. We will sort this out. This is not your field of activity" Mrs Anderson argued. "My priority is to find a foster family for the girl. One that already has experience with traumatized children."

"You see the man over there, my partner. He is the only one she trusts. I'm sure you will see that for the time being it's best for her to stay with him" They hadn't exactly talked about Castle taking her home but from his behavior before Kate was sure that was what he intended to do.

"Surely you understand that I can't let a child stay with random strangers, detective."

"Shouldn't your priority be the sake of the child and not protocol?" Kate shot back provocatively, losing her patience.

"Beckett!" Montgomery's sharp voice cut in. "A word, please" He said, pointing towards his office. Kate shot Castle an apologetic look before she followed the captain.

When Beckett had to leave, the boys took her place in front of Castle, ready to fight the woman off.

"Hand me the girl" Mrs Anderson ordered.

"No" Castle said, angrily at first but he rapidly calmed himself down. He wanted to try another approach.

"Look, Chloe, right?" he asked, using her given name. When she didn't say anything he continued. "Look Chloe, I understand about the importance of protocol. Really I do"

He gave her his most charming smile. "But I'm sure you understand that it's important to not cause poor little Sophie any more trauma. And right now that means she should stay with me. She is already comfortable around me and I have a lot of space at home. I'm sure such an intelligent and caring woman like yourself will understand this"

The stern look on her face told him that he wasn't getting anywhere.

"I don't care what you think is best for her. I'm the one who makes this decision" When Castle saw that she wouldn't fall for his charm or bend down he dropped the smile.

"Well, Mrs Anderson, I promised her to let her stay in my arms as long as she is asleep and I intend to hold this promise. You can wait until she wakes up by herself and then ask her yourself if she wants to come with you. But my bet is she won't"

o-o-o-o-o

"What were you thinking, Beckett" Montgomery chastised.

"I'm sorry, sir", Beckett said. "But we can't let her take Sophie. You should have seen her. When we arrived at the crime scene she was rocking back and forth, completely retreated into herself. It took Castle an hour to get her to speak.

If we let child services take her away she is going to be even more traumatized. You should see how she clings to Castle when she is awake. She is up in his arms when he is standing or walking and sitting in his lap whenever he is sitting. She wouldn't go to sleep until he promised her to keep her in his arms the whole time.

She talked to me after three hours. And that only because I was making fun of Castle.

Besides, we still need her as a witness. We have no leads and once Mrs Anderson takes her away we either have no chance to question her or she will be too traumatized to remember anything."

"Are you finished?" Montgomery asked and Kate's heart sunk at the question. She would have thought she could get him to see her point. To fight with them for the sake of the child.

"I guess so" Kate said discouraged and looked at her shoes. She could already see Sophie retreating back into herself and the disappointed and sad look that would come over Castle's face.

"Kate" Montgomery's voice was way gentler than Kate would have expected and she looked up again. "I was going to have your back. You are right. We still need her as a witness and she is best off with Castle.

What you shouldn't have done was put up a fight with the nice woman out there. She is in defensive mode now.

But the child is a witness and therefore needs police protection which means that she needs to stay either at the precinct or with one of you _or_with Castle while _you_stay with _him_. And that's the option I'm going with"

He expected Kate to fight him on this but she just nodded.  
"Yes sir"

Montgomery needed a second before he could hide his surprise and Kate smiled internally.

When they got out of the captain's office they saw Castle holding Sophie tightly to his chest, Ryan and Esposito standing on either side of him. All three of them were facing Mrs Anderson.

"Mrs Anderson" Montgomery's voice rang authoritatively through the bullpen

"Detective Beckett and I talked and we have reason to believe that the person who killed Cornelia Medusa might be behind Sophie because as a witness she could be a possible threat to them. That's why I suggest she stays in the custody of the NYPD. At least until we catch our killer. In the meantime we can figure out what to do with little Miss Sophie over there." It didn't sound like a suggestion at all.

Just when Mrs Anderson started to argue that Montgomery was making this up so Castle could keep her and Castle started to argue that staying with him would be best for Sophie Kate noticed Lanie walking out of the precinct elevator. She waved something in her hands and signaled for Kate to come over.

The look on her friend's face was strange, Kate thought. Lanie flicked her gaze between Castle and Sophie and the murder board.

"You've got the results?" Kate asked, motioning towards the paper in her hand.  
Lanie nodded once.

"So? What's the father's name?" At Kate's question Lanie's gaze flicked towards Castle for a second before she handed Kate the paper.

"Look for yourself"

When Kate read the name written there she looked up at Lanie in shock.  
"You are kidding, right?"

Lanie shook her head.  
"No. I checked twice. The first time I thought I messed something up but when I got the same result the second time…" She drifted off.

Kate run her hand over her face. What a mess.  
"Thanks Lanie" she said and started to walk back towards the others who were still arguing, Sophie sleeping through it all.

Instead of leaving like Kate would have expected Lanie followed her. She wanted to see how things were going from here.

"Like I already told you, Mrs Anderson, it's a matter of security…" Montgomery was explaining again, slowly getting impatient.

"Lanie's got the test results for fatherhood. I don't think it will be a problem after all for Sophie to stay with Castle" she said while she handed the paper to Montgomery. Who looked at her with his jaw on the floor.

"You are kidding me" he exclaimed. He looked up at Castle and back down at the paper. Kate shook her head.

"What? What?" Castle asked. "Who is the father?"

"You" Kate answered, observing him. She absolutely had no idea how he would react to this kind of news. Sure he already was a father and there was nothing in the world he loved more than Alexis. And sure, he had been amazing with Sophie right from the moment he first saw her. But he hadn't known that the little girl was his daughter then.

"Me?" Castle asked, bringing one hand away from Sophie to snatch the paper out of Montgomery's hand.

While Castle saw his own name watching back at him Esposito and Ryan looked at each other dumbfounded. Sophie still in his arms, Castle walked over to the murder board to get a closer look at the woman who had been murdered and was apparently the mother of his second child.

"You knew her?" Kate asked, suddenly standing beside him.

"No" Castle said but thought better of it "Well, apparently I must have but I don't recognize her"

"She was a model six years back. I'm sure she looked different then" Kate stated.

"Six years back…Cornelia…" Castle talked to himself, searching his mind "That had to be right after my divorce with Gina…which meant…there was this event…A yes!" he exclaimed when he had put the pieces together but went still when Sophie stirred in his arms.

"I had to attend this event and I asked Paula to get me a date. I was newly divorced from Gina and we drank too much and things just started to progress from there… She called herself Conny back then" Castle explained.

"You promised to buy me toys" a tiny voice spoke against his ear. When he noticed Sophie was awake he walked away from the murder board so she wouldn't accidentally get a look at it.

"That I did" he said but when he checked his watch he noticed it was already pretty late. "But it's dinner time soon and I want to cook you something. So I suggest we go home now and go shopping for toys and clothes tomorrow. What do you think?"

"I don't want to go home" she started to cry panicky "I want to stay with you."  
"Honey, shhh" he soothed "I meant we are going home to my place and you are going to stay with me."

She calmed down again but still clung to him tightly. She was getting heavy after carrying her for hours and Castle hoped he could put her down once they were at the loft.

Kate was impressed that he took the news so easily. She knew he would have taken her home anyway but it was completely different now that they knew she was his child. She would have been too shocked to do anything at all. Castle acted like it was the most normal thing in this world to have a kid within seconds.

"Can I have spa… spa…" she couldn't remember the word.  
"Spaghetti" Castle supplied.  
"Yeah, can I have spaghetti again?" she asked shyly.

"Of course you can, sweetie. It's pretty easy to cook them so you can help me with it." After telling her that Castle turned around to bid his friends goodbye. When he looked up he saw that everybody was watching him. Especially Kate was staring.

They all seemed to be impressed.  
"Well, guys, I'm leaving. Thank you Mrs Anderson but I think your services aren't required anymore. Have a nice evening" he then started to walk towards the elevator.

"Wait Castle" Montgomery stopped him. "I was serious about police protection. I'll place some officers in front of your building and you are going to take Beckett with you to your loft." He turned towards Kate "And Beckett, you don't have to stay up the whole night. I want to have you back well rested tomorrow afternoon after you accompanied them shopping or whatever it is Castle wants to do. "

Castle and Montgomery were equally surprised when Kate just accepted without putting up a fight.

Montgomery watched them and wondered if something had changed between them. But he couldn't notice anything different with Castle so it probably was just Kate.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all for reviewing. I'm happy to have surprised some of you with Castle being Sophie's father. I hope you like this chapter too. _

O-o-o-o-o

On the way to the loft Sophie was still holding on to Castle but looked around curiously. She sat comparatively relaxed in his lap. He made a mental note to buy a car seat tomorrow. He didn't like having her in his lap during the car drive because he knew it wouldn't be safe if they had a crash. Of course Beckett was a good driver but you could never know. There was always the possibility that someone else caused an accident.

But for now they hadn't got a car seat so Sophie was sitting in his lap in the backseat of the car. That was at least safer than sitting in the passenger seat. And of course the little girl was still clinging to him and was therefore glad that she didn't have to sit on her own.

Kate in the drivers seat listened in on Castle explaining patiently what they could see outside the car windows. Sophie was asking a lot of questions that made it obvious that she had never really been outside before. Through the mirror Kate could see how upset Castle was about this but it seemed to make him even more eager to show her things. He was patiently explaining everything that she asked and more.

Kate loved to see him acting so mature. He was completely focused on Sophie. He had a different smile for the little girl than he had for her or even for Alexis. It was softer somehow. It was so honest and gentle and trustworthy. It was beautiful. There were no other words Kate could use to describe that smile of his.

When she stopped the car in front of his building he said "We are here, Sophie."

Kate got out of the car and opened the door for them and Castle climbed out with Sophie still in his arms. He smiled at her in thanks. God, had his smile always been this adorable? Kate felt warm and comfy and couldn't help the upwards movement of her own lips.

Sophie sat on his hip and looked around curiously.

They entered the building and when they got into the elevator Kate was about to push the button for Castle's floor when she thought better of it. "Do you want to push the button, Sophie?" she asked. And just like every child she wanted to.

When they entered the loft they were greeted by Martha and Alexis who stopped dead in their tracks when they noticed Castle carrying a child.

He gave them a smile and introduced them to Sophie who had currently hidden her face in his shoulder again. "Look Sophie, this is my mother Martha and my daughter Alexis" he told her.

"Mother, Alexis, this is Sophie."

When he didn't elaborate they looked at Kate for explanation but she thought it wasn't her place to tell so she just gave them an apologetic smile.

"Sophie and I are cooking spaghetti with tomato sauce" Castle announced. "Dinner will be ready in 30 minutes. Kate, make yourself at home. I guess you remember where everything is" he gave her a smile but it was tighter than it was before. Like he was stressed about something.

He seemed to be exhausted. Kate gave him an encouraging smile and told him she would be okay until dinner. She looked after him when he went into the kitchen. Before they had entered the loft he had seemed to be perfectly okay but now Kate wondered how much of it had been a façade he had kept up until he was inside the safety of his own walls.

Alexis followed her dad to the kitchen.  
"Can I help with dinner, dad?" Alexis asked. She wanted to know what Sophie was doing here and hoped that working alongside her dad would give her the opportunity to ask him.

"Of course, pumpkin" he looked at her lovingly, smiling more genuinely again. „You can help me cut the tomatoes for the sauce."

He got two cutting boards from the shelf and handed one to his daughter. Alexis got the tomatoes from the fridge.

„Alright Sophie, I have to put you down now so I can cut the tomatoes. But you can sit on that chair and watch if you want to" Castle explained to the little girl.

„No!" Sophie yelled and clung her hands into his shirt.

„Nothing is going to happen to you, Sophie. I promise. I won't got anywhere. I just have to put you down so I can make the tomato sauce for our spaghettis" Castle tried.

„No" Sophie said again. But this time she didn't yell, she whimpered and started to cry, his shirt still in a death grip in her hands. It broke his heart how terrified she was. For a moment he was at a lose for what to do. Then Alexis spoke up.

„It's okay, dad. I can make the sauce. You just do whatever you can without putting her down." Alexis could only guess what had happened to the little girl. But she suspected that it was something horrible. Sophie seemed to panic whenever her father wanted to put her down. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Castle smiled at his daughter. „Thanks Alexis" he told her with a tight but thankful smile. „Did you hear Sophie? I'm not going to put you down, okay? You can stay in my arms. Let's see if we can find the spaghettis okay?"

He walked over to the shelf with her and showed her the different types of pasta they had and let her choose. Luckily she calmed down again.

For some time Alexis worked alongside her father who explained everything they were doing to Sophie. Sometimes Alexis added something to her dad's explanation and the little girl listened very carefully to everything they were saying.

"Dad, can I ask you a question? Or a few?" Alexis asked when curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to know what this was about. She guessed that Sophie had something to do with a case because she knew that her father had left to meet Beckett at a crime scene earlier today and because Kate was here now.

"Later please, Alexis. Sophie had a really hard day, today" the look in his eyes showed how worried he was about her and Alexis fathomed that it must be terrible what had happened to Sophie. Maybe her parents had been murdered and her father had taken her in to care for her until they found someone in her family to take care for her?

"Okay" she said, knowing she would get information later. Then she turned to Sophie who still hadn't left Castle's arm. She smiled at her "Sophie, do you want to help set the table?"

Castle was relieved that Alexis accepted Sophie's presence in the loft. At least for now. The little girl of course shied away from the read-head. "Oh yes!" Castle exclaimed excitedly. It required some effort to act all cheerful but he still managed despite his exhaustion  
"Setting the table is so much fun, Sophie. You could help Alexis while I watch the spaghetti and the sauce."

By now the spaghettis and the sauce were cooking on the stove and were almost ready.

At his enthusiasm Sophie got more curious but looked at Alexis with insecurity nonetheless. So Rick said:"I will be here, Sophie. If you need me you just call me and I'll come to pick you up, okay? You will be absolutely safe with Alexis. I promise."

What happened to this little girl that she needed so much reassurance to just go set the table with her, Alexis wondered.  
She smiled encouragingly at Sophie and held her hand out.

"We are so many people tonight I don't think I can do it on my own" Alexis thought loudly.  
When a small voice asked "What can I do?" Castle looked at both of his daughters proudly and carefully put Sophie down. He knelt in front of her for a second to make sure she was okay. It was the first time he put her down after he'd picked her up in her tiny bedroom in her mother's apartment after all.

Alexis slowly walked over to her, hand outstretched and waited for the little girl to make the last step. She looked back at Castle and when he nodded she carefully placed her hand in Alexis'.

"Okay Sophie" Alexis said "First of all we need to think about how many people will be at the table. Do you remember who was here when you came in with dad?"

O-o-o-o-o

At the dinner table Sophie sat in Castle's lap at first but when she saw that Alexis was pretty nice and Martha totally funny with her dramatic character she went to sit between Castle and Alexis on her own chair. She even talked a little to Kate about the dinner she had watched being prepared.

"You guys cooked, so I'm going to do the dishes" Kate said after they finished dinner.

"Nonsense darling" Martha protested. "You are our guest. You are not doing dishes"

"Technically I'm not a…"

Before Kate could reason that she was here as protective detail and not as a guest Castle interrupted her. "You are" he said but added "But if you want to do dishes, please knock yourself out. I'm going to give Sophie a bath and put her into bed."

The little girl was still in the clothes they had found her in. They were too small and looked like they hadn't seen a washing machine in ages. Sophie probably hadn't gotten a bath in a long time either.

Kate thought it spoke volumes that Castle let her do dishes. She eyed him a little worriedly. This must be a lot more energy-draining for him than he let on. When she'd stayed at the loft after her apartment had blown up he had never wanted to let her do dishes. He had always insisted that she was their guest and didn't have to do the dishes. Of course she'd done so anyway.

A second after Castle finished his sentence Sophie's little body crushed into him and she clutched her hands in the fabric of his jeans.  
"No!" she cried, panic rising in her voice. "I don't want to go to bed. I want to stay with you"

"Hey, sweetie. No" Castle said, picking her up. "It's okay. You are staying with me in my bedroom. Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise. I'll stay with you" he soothed.

God, this was exhausting, Castle thought. He wished she weren't so terrified that he would leave her alone. But given everything that had happened to her it was only natural. Her mother had probably been murdered in front of her and before that she had been left alone for days time and time again. Of course she had fear of loss.

Castle hugged her tight. Poor baby girl. He wished he could have prevented her from all this.  
"Come on. I'm going to give you a bath and then I'm reading a book to you in the bedroom"

Sophie nodded, relaxing again. "What's a book?" she asked.

"What's a …" he couldn't even finish the sentence. His jaw hit the floor, his eyes started to water. She didn't even know what a book was. It made him incredibly sad to think about all the things she had missed. Books, visits to the park, the zoo, movies, books, ice cream, books...

He held her closer so she wouldn't see his emotional reaction. But Alexis, Kate and Martha saw. They had matching expressions of shock.

Kate felt the urge to hug him but ignored it of course.

"I'll show you, sweetie" he said softly, voice thick with emotion.

After he cleared his throat he asked Alexis to get him one of her t-shirts for Sophie to sleep in and all the children's books she could find.

Having rarely seen her dad so emotional, Alexis immediately went upstairs while Martha and Kate started to bring the plates to the sink.

o-o-o-o-o

When Castle emerged from the bedroom, having bathed Sophie and tucked her in, he checked if he had the paper with the test results before he went into the living room. Where Kate, Alexis and Martha were sitting on the couch and talking to each other.

Kate noticed him first. "Hey Castle. Is she okay?"

He looked so exhausted but still tried to hide it. Kate wanted to hug him, comfort him, kiss his troubles away.  
_Huh? Kiss him? Where was this coming from?_

"Yeah. I read to her until she fell asleep" He ran his hands through his hair before he let himself fall into the armchair opposite from the couch.

"So dad, what's going on?" Alexis asked. Castle sighed and looked over at Kate.  
"How much did you tell them already?"

"Everything case-related" she answered. Again she felt the urge to smooth the worried lines that painted his face. He nodded in appreciation. At least he wouldn't have to tell them that.

"I'm upstairs while you guys talk" Kate wanted to give them privacy and family time. Castle started to argue that she didn't have to leave but she shook her head.

"Are you coming downstairs again later? To talk about the case?" he asked. It was obvious to Kate that he didn't want to talk about the case. He just wanted a friend. Kate nodded and walked the stairs. Castle's gaze followed her until she was out of sight.

He then turned towards his mother and daughter. He sighed again. Hopefully they took the news well.

"Kate told you that we needed to do a blood test to figure out who her father is?" They nodded and he pulled the paper out of his pocket.

"This is the test result" He handed them the document and waited for their reaction. They needed a minute before they found his name and put the pieces together.

"You?" Alexis asked incredulous.  
"Oh, Richard" Martha said sympathetic.

"But…" Alexis started "When… I mean…Who… Who's her mother?" she finally got out.

"Her name is Cornelia Medusa. We attended an event together a little less than six years back and yeah…" he drifted off.

"I know not all of your …uhm… dates are the brightest stars in the night sky, dad, but why is she so …" Alexis was searching for the right word to describe what little she knew about Sophie before she settled with "uneducated?"

"First of all: Thanks" Castle said sarcastically. Alexis just shrugged, knowing she was right. "And secondly, around the time of Sophie's birth Cornelia's grandparents died in an accident. We guess that's when she started to do drugs. A neighbor said she left Sophie at home alone for days before she came back. I think she's never been outside before today."

He ran his hands over his face, frustrated and exhausted.

"What happens now?" Martha asked.

Castle didn't know how to answer at first. There really weren't that many options. He finally settled to tell them what happened this afternoon.

"This afternoon, when we went to the precinct she was afraid to go to sleep because she thought I would abandon her. She only agreed to sleep when I promised I wouldn't put her down for a second. When this woman from child services wanted to take her away I couldn't hand her over. She trusted me and I keep my promises. I wouldn't have been able to leave her even if she wouldn't have been mine. You saw how panicky she got when she thought I would put her to bed and leave her alone. Imagine what would have happened when I let her be taken away from me."

"What are you saying, Richard?" Martha prompted again.

"She is staying with us of course, Grams" Alexis answered for him. Castle looked up at his daughter, grateful she seemed to be okay. Martha sensed that her son wanted to talk to Alexis alone so she bid them goodnight.

"Goodnight, darlings" she said. "You know I'm always there for you, Richard. Just try using a condom properly from now on, okay?" She kissed the top of his head and made her way upstairs.

„Funny mother" he commented sarcastically.

Martha just shrugged, grinning about what she thought was a hilarious comment.

Castle waited until his mother was up the stairs and then sat down on the couch beside his daughter.

"Are you okay, pumpkin?" Castle asked. Alexis saw her dad was worried what she thought of the situation. "I know this is sudden, but there is nothing I can do about it. I would have liked to talk to you before something like this…"

She interrupted him. "Dad, I'm fine. I would have done the same. I would be okay even if she weren't my real sister. In fact I would have been disappointed in you if you had given her away"

He sighed in relief and pulled Alexis in a hug. "Thank you, pumpkin. I love you. So much."

"I love you too, dad."

She hugged him back and waited for him to get his emotions in check before looking up at him again, knowing he didn't really like her to see him this emotional.

"I'm off to bed, dad" Alexis said once he let go of her. "Maybe we can go to the zoo this weekend? Just the three of us?"

Castle smiled his happiest smile "That would be great, Alexis" She smiled back and kissed him on the cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

When Kate made her way downstairs again she stopped at the sight of Castle sitting on the couch. His shoulders slumped, his head hanging down and his hands running through his hair occasionally.

After the phone call she just had she hadn't been sure about coming down again but when she saw how worn out he looked she was glad she did.

Never before had she seen him like this. Completely himself, all guards let down in the safety of his own home. She walked over to him silently.

"Hey Castle" she said softly before she sat down next to him. He looked up at her and tried a smile but he was just too exhausted to make it believable.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, fine" he answered without thinking, when she gave him a skeptical look he thought better of it "No. Not really" he said, shrugging.

"You want to talk about it?" she wanted to be the one who could comfort him. She had ignored all the emotions that swam around in her today at seeing him with little Sophie, acting so mature and responsible. But after the phone call she just had she just didn't want to anymore.

He shrugged, unsure. He didn't even know himself how he was feeling. "It just doesn't happen every day that you find out that you've got a five year old daughter whose mother was using drugs and left her alone in a disgusting apartment for days again and again" he tried to laugh it off but he wasn't kidding anyone.

When she laid her hand on his thigh in a comforting gesture he took a deep breath and let it out slowly to get his emotions in check. His gaze fell on the paper with the test results and he angrily shoved it away. He stared at it when it fell to the ground.

"What's wrong, Castle?" Kate asked and when he didn't answer she tried again. "Come on, talk to me."

He still kept silent, not because he didn't want her to know but because he didn't know how to tell her.

Her soft "Rick" finally prompted him to start talking.

"I was just hoping that the next time I got a child I wouldn't need this stupid fatherhood test. I wanted it to be with someone I trust enough to not need it" he angrily kicked the paper that was now laying in front of the couch.

"What do you mean?"

Looking down at his hands in his lap, he explained "When I caught Meredith cheating on me, I filed for divorce and custody for Alexis. But I needed to make sure she was mine. It would have been so much harder if she weren't. Don't get me wrong I still would have fought for her, it wouldn't have changed how much I love her if she were someone else's child but it would have been damn hard to get custody. Not that Meredith ever wanted custody…"

She squeezed his thigh so he would look at her.

"There isn't a place in the world she would have been better off than with you, Rick. You are an amazing father" she told him when he finally met her eyes. They were suspiciously wet.

He looked down again, hiding his tear-clouded vision from her. Inhaling deeply he said quietly "Thank you, Kate." She squeezed his thigh again. She hoped the pressure of her warm hand was spending him comfort.

She observed him closely. She's never seen him this emotional and unsure. She began to think there were just as many layers to the Castle-onion than there were to the Beckett-onion. Most of the time he just pretended there weren't. To the unobservant eye Richard Castle may appear to be an open book, easily figured out. But there was more to him than what he let the public see.

Of course she had noticed before that he could be grown up and mature, for example when he apologized for poking around in her mother's murder or when she'd stayed at the loft last year, but this was a completely new level.

"I don't know what to do, Kate" he interrupted her thoughts. He then went silent again but she waited for him to continue. He seemed like he needed some time to sort his thoughts.

Kate's fingers started calmly and slowly stroke his knee. It happened without conscious thought but when she noticed what her hand was doing without her input she didn't stop. Rick didn't even seem to notice. He was too deep in thoughts. That was new. Kate could remember little occasions in which he wouldn't have noticed her touching him. Somehow Kate found it refreshing to be able to study him closely without him noticing or play-act that he was alright when he wasn't.

"I mean, she is traumatized. She probably witnessed her mother's murder. I don't know how to do this" Rick spoke some of his thoughts out loud. He didn't really expect an answer from Kate. He'd just voiced what was currently on his mind.

But Kate responded anyway.

"I think to everyone else it seemed like you knew what you were doing. You did amazing. Sophie trusts you and you are so responsive to her needs. I'm sure you will figure it out" It wasn't like him to be so pessimistic and Kate's fingers itched to caress his face. But she didn't. Not yet anyway.

"Maybe" he sounded defeated and unsure.

"Well I believe in you" He would have been incredibly pleased by her words if he weren't that unconvinced in his own abilities right now.

When he didn't respond the way Kate expected him to, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it.

"You can always get professional help, Castle" she suggested and he nodded his acknowledgement. That's something he had thought about as well.

They were quiet for a while. Kate softly ran her thumb over his knuckles but he didn't even seem to notice, completely lost in thought.

"I don't understand why she didn't call" he said after a while.

Immediately following the directions of his thoughts she asked "Did she have your number?" He was talking about Cornelia Medusa, Sophie's mother.

"Of course" he said offended and hurt. He pulled his hand out of hers. "Other than you might think I'm not the asshole-playboy the press makes me out to be. I don't leave without breakfast or leaving my number behind. Even after a one-night-stand"

He was upset but she wanted to set this right again. She placed her hand on top of his again, trying to get him to look at her.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I didn't mean it that way" she said and in an attempt to lighten the mood a little she asked "But who leaves his number with an One-night-stand? That's against the nature of One-night-stands."

He either didn't catch her playful tone or he decided to ignore it because he answered truthfully.  
"I do. Just in case. Just in case something happens. Something like this"

"How do you make sure they get that it's only a one-time thing then?" Kate asked curiously. She didn't really like the topic of Castle's One-night-stands but she wanted to hear his reasoning.

"I just tell them the truth" he explained, finally looking at her. There was a message he wanted her to catch. "I tell them that it stays a one-time thing. That I've got a daughter and that she is my priority above everything else. With most women this is enough to drive them away. They don't want to share my attention with Alexis. They want to be first and they don't like that they never will be. Sometimes they think they are okay with it which makes it harder because I have to tell them that they are not the kind of woman I want in my daughter's life."

He watched her face carefully, looking if she caught that she was special. He let her met his daughter which was huge.

And of course she got it. She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. Other than that she didn't do anything to acknowledge his words.

"But I didn't have a One-night-stand in a long time now" he continued. "Only once in the time I knew you. And I probably had a lot less than you might think I had before that."

Not wanting to elaborate the topic of the women he slept with Kate changed the topic.

She had to get it out anyway if she wanted to move forward with him. And she wanted to.  
"Josh and I broke up" she said out of the blue.

Castle looked at her curiously.  
"What? When?" he asked.

"Earlier. When you talked to your mother and Alexis." She told him. It was her turn now to look down at her hands. One of them still joined with his. They looked good together, she thought. They fitted perfectly together.

"I'm sorry" he sounded genuine. She looked up again. She would have thought he would be pleased. He'd never liked Josh.

"You want to talk about it?"  
She had thought she didn't want to but now that he asked she did. So she nodded but didn't say anything.

Castle waited her out.

She looked at him when she finally started to speak.

"He called when Martha and I were doing dishes but my phone was still on the dining table and I didn't hear it. He called again when I was on my way to the guest room. I totally forgot that I was supposed to meet him for dinner tonight. I told him about the case and about Sophie. Everything besides that she's your daughter" Kate made a short pause before she continued. 

„And he asked if I even thought about him once today. I didn't. And I told him so. Already knowing where the conversation was headed. He then asked how many times I was impressed by your abilities as a parent and when I didn't answer because I don't know he said he had his answer. I apologized, he said it was okay, there is an upcoming doctors without borders mission in Haiti anyway. We bid our goodbye and that was it"

"I'm sorry, Kate" he said again, sympathetic.

"Thank you. But it's okay. I'm fine. We just weren't meant to be. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy but in retrospect he was a rebound. To be honest I should have broken up with him weeks ago. We haven't even seen each other in two weeks. I didn't invest anything in this relationship since your break-up with Gina."

Kate nervously looked anywhere except him. She'd revealed more than she'd planed. On the other hand she had to be open with him about these kind of things if she wanted them to start something. But it also made her vulnerable. And she hated being vulnerable.

"Kate" he said, taking both her hands in his "Can you look at me? Please."

When she did his gaze was open, trustworthy and …loving. She inhaled deeply and decided to get it out. They had to talk about this if they wanted to start a relationship, right? Well, she wanted to start a relationship, she didn't know for sure if he wanted the same. But she had reason to believe he did.

"I broke up with Demming just before your going-away-party last summer. I wanted to ask you if the offer to go to the Hamptons with you was still open" she started and saw his eyes growing wide in shock when he thought he knew what was about to come "That was when Gina showed up" she confirmed his assumption.

"You can't be serious" he said incredulous, regret shining in his eyes. She just looked at him and waited for it to fully sink in.

"Oh god, Kate, I'm so sorry" he said, holding on to her hands tightly as if he feared she would pull away. "I was just so hurt about you going away with Demming and lying to me about it and…"

"It's okay, Castle. It's not your fault" she said but reconsidered her words. "Well, not solely your fault"

He still looked like he wanted to slap himself. "It's just, I wanted you so much to come with me. I was hoping…" he broke off, afraid to scare her away.

But Kate wanted to know what he had to say. Her heart full of hope too.  
"Hoping what?"

He seemed a little shy all of a sudden.  
"I was hoping that we would get closer. I promised no funny business and I was going to keep it. I just wanted to spend some time with you outside of work and I promise I didn't plan to get together or something. I was just hoping for…baby steps, I guess."

He was rambling and it was cute. She pulled one of her hands out of his grip just to place it on his cheek a second later. He stopped talking.

"Shh, Castle. It's okay. We talked about it and let's move forward without looking back, alright?" she lightly run her thumb over his cheekbone. She felt his stubble under her fingertips.

He nodded, unable to speak. He watched her closely, losing himself in the simple sensation of her fingers against his face.

They stared at each other for what felt like forever until Kate let her hand stroke down his jawbone. Her thumb wandering from his cheekbone to his lips. In contrast to the stubble around them they were soft. And Kate's own lips started to prickle in anticipation.

She traced his lips with her thump. He was staring into her eyes with his wide open. They shone with fascination and anticipation. Full of wonder. Kate removed her finger again to make place for her own lips.

She leaned forward.

He leaned forward.

She closed her eyes.

He closed his eyes.

Their lips where less than an inch away from each other when Sophie's screams tore them apart.

"Mommy! Mommy! No! Mommy!" She screamed and cried and sobbed and Castle jumped up, running towards his bedroom.

He threw the door open and saw Sophie's tear-stained face. She was sitting in the middle off the bed, looking tiny and forlorn. She was sobbing and rocking back and forth.

Castle had her picked up in his arms in less than a second. He held her tight, running his hands over her back and through her hair.

"Shhh, sweetie, shhh. Daddy's got you. Shh, honey, I'm here." He didn't even notice that he called himself daddy. They had yet to talk about this.

„You are okay. Nothing is going to happen to you. I'm here, baby, I'm here" he whispered into her hair.

It felt like eternity until she stopped screaming and was only crying silently against his chest. Occasionally she let out a tiny whimper but other than that she was quiet now. He kept rubbing her back soothingly.

Kate who had watched him jump away from her in panic at the little girl's screams had followed him, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. He was completely lost in the task of calming her down. When Sophie seemed to come down from her wave of panic, Castle looked up.

He had been so in panic because off Sophie that he had totally forgotten about Kate. _Shit!_  
But she didn't look angry or disappointed or like she regretted nearly kissing him. She looked somewhat in awe. He gave her an apologetic smile and mouthed "Sorry", hoping they hadn't lost their chance.

God, he was amazing, Kate thought. Having to deal with his new found traumatized daughter and still thinking of her.

She tiptoed over to him, silently so she wouldn't scare Sophie. She stopped in front of him, leaned down and kissed his cheek lightly.  
"Goodnight" she whispered.

He looked at her with admiration.

When Sophie whimpered again, Kate waved at him and left. She closed the door behind her. He focused his attention on the little girl again.

"It's okay, baby. I'm here. Try to go back to sleep" he whispered, laying back on the bed with Sophie spread over his chest, her tiny hands clinging to his shirt. When she finally fell asleep again, he carefully tucked her under the covers before he went into the bathroom to get ready for bed himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Kate lay awake in the bed in the guest room. Her thoughts were spinning. She couldn't help but think about…well, a lot of things actually.

First of all there was the kiss. Well, not really a kiss but almost. For some time all she could think about were his lips. His lips, which she assumed would just feel amazing when pressed to hers. His lips only inches away from hers. She imagined it to be mind-blowing when they finally kissed. His lips had looked so soft. She longed to feel them on hers. She imagined his stubble tickling her, forming a rough contrast to the softness of his lips.

She sighed. It was not like she was upset about him jumping away from her as soon as Sophie started to cry. Of course not. That was another thing she couldn't stop thinking about. What an amazing father he was. All of a sudden he was so mature, grown up and responsible. She thought it was incredibly sexy.

And how adorable and cute he was around the little girl. Kate could kiss him whenever she watched him interact with her. It was kind of strange, she thought. She'd never been interested in men with kids before. But Castle…

And he had been so sweet when she told him about her break-up with Josh. She wasn't really upset about it but he had been sweet, sympathetic and understanding anyway. Despite the fact that he didn't like Josh at all.

Yeah, she remembered why she had gotten together with Josh in the first place. He had been a welcome excuse to banish all the Castle-infused thoughts out of her mind. When he had left for the Hamptons with Gina she had of course hateful thoughts of her and angry thoughts about Castle because he couldn't wait (Yeah, yeah, she knew, how was he supposed to know). But what had annoyed her the most were these kind of thoughts. Images of how adorable, cute, sexy and (occasionally) mature he was.

Now that Josh was gone all these thoughts flooded back in. With greater force than ever. While being with Josh she had forced thoughts of Castle down, reminded herself that she had a very attractive and successful boyfriend. But she now suspected her feelings for Castle had subconsciously grown stronger even while she had suppressed all thoughts of him.

She remembered staying in this very bedroom a year ago. How afraid she had been about the feelings she started to develop for Castle, knowing he would have the power to break her heart. It had been this fear that drove her right into Demming's waiting arms.

She was still afraid. Afraid that they wouldn't work out. That they would break up, lose their friendship on the way and that she would never be able to pick up the pieces that would be her heart if it came to that.

But she was even more afraid to lose him if she didn't act on her feelings.

Besides, she was tired of it. Tired of not having the relationship she wanted. Tired of pushing the possibility to be happy away. Tired of pretending she wasn't madly in love with him. Tired of not being able to embrace him. Tired of not being able to kiss him.

Kiss him. This thought brought her back to their almost-kiss. She thought of his lips again.

When she finally fell asleep she dreamed of the almost-kiss, minus the almost.

o-o-o-o-o

When Rick felt movement around him, he opened his eyes. Sophie was sitting completely content next to him and watched him.

"You are awake" she said happily and hugged him. He smiled. God, how much he loved how open little girls were with their affection. It made him think of Alexis at this age. He missed going to the park with her, crawling around the playground, being the biggest kid and bumping his head everywhere just to make his daughter laugh.

"Yes, I am" he confirmed and checked the watch on his nightstand. 5:30 am. That was something he didn't love that much about little girls. Waking up at ungodly hours. But he didn't feel tired anymore, despite the fact that he had gotten very little sleep last night.

Sophie looked at him like she wanted something. He guessed she wasn't used to getting what she asked for and was therefore too shy to ask at all. They needed to work on that. He didn't want her to ever be too scared to ask.

"You want something, Sophie" he stated "What is it?"  
She looked away embarrassed.

"Hey, baby, look at me" he said and she did, tears glistering in her eyes. "Whenever you want something you just tell me, okay? When you are hungry, you tell me. When you are tired, you tell me. When you want to play, you tell me. Got it?" She nodded but didn't look convinced. He sat up and pulled her in his lap.

"Maybe I have to say no sometimes. Or maybe I'm busy at the moment. But if I am I will always have time later for you, okay?" He explained and she nodded again.

"Good" he said, but still not sure if she got it. "And now I want you to tell me what it is that you want right now"

"Can you read to me again?" she asked quietly like she expected him to decline.

"Of course" he said brightly, feeling happy that she wanted to read after not even knowing what a book was the day before. "Choose one" he said and pointed at the books sitting on the floor.

"I think we can read at least three books before we have to get up and make breakfast for everybody" he told her while she went through the stack of children books.

O-o-o-o-o

Dressed in yesterday's clothes Sophie was walking around in the kitchen, exploring everything that could be explored. Every other minute she showed him something and asked what it was called. He was pleased that she was curious and willing to learn.

He scanned her pants and shirt. Yesterday he hadn't paid much attention but today he noticed how old and tiny the clothes were. They had holes and the color was long washed out. They needed to go shopping today. At least the clothes were clean since he had had the presence of mind to wash them yesterday after putting her to bed.

"Good morning" Kate interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and saw the most gorgeous smile on her lips. He felt his heart lightening with relief. He had silently feared she regretted how close they came last night.

"Good morning" he said cheerfully, returning her smile while he added three more pancakes to the other ones that were already on the plate.

He just wanted to start speaking (he didn't know about what, really. Maybe last night?) when Sophie tugged at his sleeve. He looked down at her bright blue eyes.

"When are you finished?" she asked.

"Not yet, kangaroo" When they read a book about a kangaroo this morning he found it was the perfect nickname for her, given the fact that she hadn't left his arm all day yesterday. Like a baby kangaroo carried by its mother.

Sophie giggled. She liked her new nickname even if she didn't know why she got it.

"Can you read to me when you are finished?" He got the biggest smile on his face at the girl's question and Kate's heart melted. He was just so adorable. She would need all her self-control today to not walk right over to him, throw her arms around his neck and kiss him senseless.

"I'm sorry, baby. I think when I'm finished we are going to have to wake up Grams and Alexis so we can eat. But I promise I will read to you later" Sophie looked disappointed and seemed to retreat a little into herself again, which made Castles lips turn down slightly.

"I could read to you, if you want" Kate suggested, causing Castle to light up again, even more than before. Sophie looked at her skeptically before she turned to Castle. He smiled at her.

"That's pretty nice of Kate, isn't it, Sophie? Why don't you show her your books?" he prompted and the little girl shyly walked over to Kate and towards Castle's bedroom. Kate followed her but let her have her space. She didn't know if Sophie wanted to take her hand or would rather not be touched by her.

Sophie chose a few books and they sat down on the couch in the living room. First she kept a few inches between them but she soon came closer to Kate so she could see the pictures in the book better. Kate felt more comfortable with the little girl than she would have thought, given that she'd never thought of herself as a kids person.

O-o-o-o-o

At the breakfast table Sophie told Alexis all the stories Castle and Kate already read to her.  
"Can you read too, Alexis?" Sophie asked after she finished retelling the last story.

"Of course I can. I love reading" Alexis replied. Sophie looked at her with this look Castle hated so much. Like she was too afraid to ask for what she wanted. She looked at him in question and he nodded encouragingly.

"Can you read to me?"  
But before Alexis answered Castle got an idea and spoke up.

"How about Alexis shows you how to draw pictures?" He asked.

"Yeah. Come on Sophie. Drawing is so much fun" Alexis took her hand and went to the living room with her.

When they were out of earshot, Kate asked "What have you planned for today, Castle? Ryan texted. They are stuck on the case, like expected"

"Well, Sophie and I have to go shopping. She needs clothes, books, toys, a car seat, books and did I mention books?" he joked but Kate could see that he didn't really think it was funny that yesterday was her first contact with books. As a writer he valued books highly. As did Kate.

"And like you suggested last night, I want to take her to a children's therapist and to the doctor. I want her checked out to see if everything is alright" he went on.

"I need to ask the therapist what to do about the trauma. After last night I don't feel confident dealing with it by myself. We can ask him what to do about the case and her being a witness too" Kate nodded, glad he still wanted to solve the case. That he didn't go too protective on her that he neglected the case.

"What happened last night?" Martha asked.

Castle sighed. "She woke up screaming for her mother four times"

"Four times?" Kate and Martha asked in unison. Both of them were shocked. Kate knew about the first time and thought she had heard her again somewhat around 3 am but wasn't sure.

Castle nodded worriedly.  
"If she is anything like Alexis I won't get her out of my bed until she is ten" he sighed.

Kate looked at him curiously but thought it wasn't her business so she didn't ask. But Castle noticed her questioning eyes and explained anyway.

"Meredith and I got a divorce when Alexis was just a baby. When she was around four Meredith came to visit us for a few weeks. Of course she left again. But Alexis had thought she would stay and was deeply disappointed. She thought it was because Meredith didn't love her and was scared I would leave her too. She would wake up crying at night because she had a nightmare in which I left her too. So I started to put her in my bed so I could calm her down faster and without having to get up. She started to sleep in her own bed again when she was six."

Kate thought Meredith was a bitch. How could she do something like this to her little girl? She patted Castle's arm and Martha who thought Kate had the situation under control started to clear the table.

Just when Kate was about to tell him again how amazing a father she thought he was, Sophie came running towards Castle waving a picture in her hands.

This seemed to become a habit of her. Always interrupting when they had a moment. Like Ryan and Esposito. Kate let out a slightly frustrated sigh. It went unnoticed by everyone else.

"Look, I drew a picture" she said proudly and handed Castle the piece of paper. His face fell when he looked at it.

Seeing his expression, Sophie said "You don't like it." She was about to cry.

Castle hurriedly cleared his face from disappointment.  
"No kangaroo. It's beautiful. What colors did you use?"

She had drawn a lot of colorful lines but nothing that would help them with the case. Her painting looked like that of a two-year-old who drew for the first time. She probably did.

Castle had hoped that Sophie would express something in her drawing that would help them with the case. But they weren't going to learn anything from colorful lines.

Sophie's face light up when she told him the colors. "Pink and purple and blue and yellow and…and…How is that color called again, Alexis?"

"That's orange, sweetie." She said and then kissed her father's cheek.  
"I'm off to school. Have a nice day." She turned to Sophie and kissed her head. "See you later, Sophie"

"What's school?" Sophie asked

"It's a place where a lot of children and teenagers go to learn things. You'll go there someday too. But not yet, kangaroo." Castle explained patiently. He had thought about school and decided that it would be better for Sophie to stay with him for the time being. She wasn't ready yet to go anywhere without him.

„I have to check in with Montgomery about the police protection thing" Kate said.

„Of course" Castle replied. „We'll just read another book, while we wait for you to finish your phone call." He smiled at her. He was actually looking forward to go shopping with Kate. Even if she just had to accompany them for police protection and he was just going to shop for Sophie today.

O-o-o-o-o

Montgomery was signing some papers when his phone ringed.

„Montgomery" he said after he picked it up.

„Hi, it's Beckett" his favorite detective's voice came through the speaker. „I'm just calling to clear the details of the plan for the day with you. You said I'm assigned as Sophie's police protection today. Castle wants to go shopping with her to get her clothes and toys."

Montgomery smirked. He didn't really think that police protection was necessary for Sophie, at least not in that capacity but he could feel that something was about to change in Kate's relationship with Rick and of course he never admit it but he was trying to push them towards each other. They were complementing each other perfectly. Kate wasn't having any fun before Rick came along and Rick was having a little too much fun before he got to know Kate.

„That's okay with me. Ryan and Esposito have everything under control here. There aren't that many leads to follow anyway. So I think it would be good if you'd accompany Castle and the little girl to the shopping mall. At least until they are inside. I don't expect anything to happen to her when they are surrounded by as many people as they will be in the shopping center. You don't have to follow their every step, just trust you own judgment of the situation."

„Will do" Kate replied, Montgomery could hear that she was a little confused about his orders but he didn't argue.

„Let's get to work, Beckett. And tell Castle I said hello. Enjoy your day. Bye" Montgomery said and smiled to himself. After that he ended the call before Kate could reply.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Castle was choosing little girl clothes with passion. Sophie wasn't comfortable walking around by herself in the foreign environment of the shopping mall so Castle was carrying her again. He held her with one hand and was looking through the clothes with the other. The shop assistant was carrying the things Castle had already picked for her.

"Look how cute this is, Kate" he said enthusiastically while he held up a really cute little blue dress with white and light-blue flowers. It would match Sophie's blue eyes and blond hair perfectly. She had the same beautiful blue eyes like Castle.

Kate couldn't help the smile that escaped at his enthusiasm. God, she couldn't wait until she finally got to kiss him. Now that she had made the decision not to wait any longer she was getting impatient and his being so adorable all day didn't help at all.

"It's winter, Castle" she said, not letting on a single one of her thoughts. "Shouldn't you pick clothes that are a little more… weather-appropriate?"

He made a disapproving noise and it was totally _not_cute. No, not at all…  
Oh hell, it was.

"What do you think, Sophie? Do you like it?" She nodded shyly and Castle handed the dress to the shop assistant.

Why did he look so irresistible today? Or did he always and she had just been better at pretending she didn't notice? Kate shifted from one foot to the other.

"You don't have to look at children's clothes with us if you are bored, Kate" he totally misinterpreted what her uneasiness was about "I'm sure nothing will happen to us here. Why don't you go to the women's sector of the mall and I give you a call when we are done?"

He was right. Well not entirely. But nothing would happen here in public and she really could use some time away from him to cool off. Plus even Montgomery had told her that she didn't have to follow their every step.

"Alright" she agreed. "Call me when you've collected everything you need or when you are going to make a break to get lunch. Or if you notice anything suspicious at all."

Castle agreed and they parted ways.

o-o-o-o-o

When Kate mysteriously landed in an underwear store she gave up all hope to stop thinking about kissing Castle. Instead she allowed herself to think about… well… more than kissing him as she examined the various bras and panties in front of her.

Hm… What would Castle like?

While she tried some of the garments on, she was imagining Castle undressing her and discovering what she was about to buy. In the safety of the changing room she smiled to herself when she thought about the look he would get. How he wouldn't be able to look away from her.

She hadn't enjoyed buying underwear this much ever before.

But she felt slightly guilty for going underwear-shopping without Lanie. They had been doing this together ever since they knew each other, using it as an opportunity to talk about guys. But she wouldn't talk about Castle that way. At least not yet.

She settled for something green to match her eyes, something blue because she was **almost **certain that it was Castle's favorite color, given how many blue things he had picked for Sophie and something red because which guy didn't like red underwear? Red was sexy.

The bag she got screamed of what was inside. Kate looked at it annoyed. She didn't want him to know what she had bought. Not yet.

Without paying attention she went into the next shop to ask if she could get a bag. It was a men's store. She was just about to head straight for the counter when she caught sight of a blue dress shirt. It was a perfect match to the color of Castle's eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. So full of kindness. She run her fingers over the shirt and discovered that it felt incredibly soft.

She could totally imagine snuggling into Castle while he was wearing this shirt. Oh, what the hell. She took a shirt she thought should be Castle's size from its hanger and continued her way to the counter.

"My boyfriend hates shopping too" the salesperson told her. She was a young woman with a nice smile. Kate smiled back at her.

Ha! Castle hating shopping! As if. But she just let her assume what she wanted. She asked tough if she could get a bigger bag so her other one would fit insight. The woman shot her a knowing smirk and handed her the bag.

"Thanks" Kate said and left the shop.

Outside she checked her phone. Still no message from Castle. He was probably knocking himself out with his shopping. She smiled again. She was feeling like a teenager, being in love for the first time. She shook her head at herself and finally got in a normal women's shop, trying to distract herself from thinking about Castle by looking for clothes she could wear to work.

o-o-o-o-o

An hour later Kate waited in a little restaurant for Castle and Sophie. She had bought some regular clothes and a dress she couldn't wait for Castle to see. She really needed to get things going between them soon.

When they entered the restaurant Kate was surprised to see Castle had no bags at all. He was just carrying Sophie again and in his other hand he had a dark blue car seat.

"Where are your bags?" Kate asked him when they had said their hello and he sat down across from her with Sophie in his lap. She seemed tired.

"I thought it would be best if they were delivered to my place. It would have been difficult to carry them all, wouldn't it Sophie?" She giggled and Castle smiled, feeling his heart lighten every time he heard her laugh.

"Yeah. We had so many things" she told Kate. "But look I have new clothes. They are so pretty." She smiled proudly and Kate felt happy that she was opening up towards her.

"Can you stand up and show me?" Kate asked and Sophie looked shyly around. There were only a few people around them and nobody was paying attention to them. She slowly got up from Castle's lap and ran around the table rather fast towards Kate to avoid being away from either one of them for too long.

"They are really beautiful. Did you choose them yourself?" Kate complimented. Sophie was wearing grey jeans and a light pink blouse with butterflies all over it.

"I chose the shoes" she said and climbed onto Kate's lap who looked over at Castle surprised. He shrugged but watched them happily.

Sophie wiggled her feet and held them up for Kate to see. She was wearing dark blue boots. Castle really had taste Kate thought not for the first time. She just remembered the dress he got her for this case once. Yeah, he had great taste. Sophie was looking adorable.

"And I've got a new coat because it's cold outside, right?" She looked at Castle for confirmation. He nodded and handed it over the table so she could show it to Kate.

It was the cutest coat Kate had ever seen. It was dark blue, matched the boots perfectly and had a ribbon at the back. She got instantly jealous.

"Did they have this in my size?" she asked, only half joking.

Castle started to laugh full heartedly which caused the butterflies in her stomach to flatter furiously.

"I knew you would like it" he laughed.

"Did you buy anything, Kate?" Sophie asked. Kate blushed, thinking about the things she bought.

Castle of course noticed and looked at the bags sitting beside her.  
"You went shopping in a men's store, Beckett?" he asked, grinning mischievously.

"What?" Kate asked, caught off guard.

"_Men's Best_" Castle read the inscription on the bag. Kate looked at the incriminating object. Oh. She could slap herself. Well, at least she had had the presence of mind to hide the underwear bag.

Kate chose to ignore him and told Sophie instead what she bought in the last store.

o-o-o-o-o

Sophie fell asleep on the way to the car and Kate put the car seat on the backseat of the car so Castle could strap her in.

He then went to his usual place in the passenger seat of her car. Kate had missed him there when he was in the back with Sophie yesterday and this morning. Of course she wouldn't tell him that.

Castle was unusually quiet on the way to the therapist. Kate kept glancing at him to check if he was alright. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Kate asked softly when she couldn't stand the silence any longer. She was so used to him constantly talking that she missed it now. Castle being quiet meant something was wrong.

"Hm?" Castle looked over at her, only now noticing that he had zoned out. "Oh, sorry. I'm just worried. I want to solve the case of course, bring the person who did this to her to justice but I don't want to put her through any more pain."

She reached over to squeeze his hand for a moment.  
"Even when she had to experience such a terrible crime, Castle, I still think it happened for a reason. It brought her to you and there couldn't be a better place for her"

He looked at her thankfully before he grinned.  
"Listen to you, talking like me about fate." She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile and the blush that colored her cheeks.

He enjoyed watching her blush. She was beautiful and he felt the urge to kiss her. She could feel him staring at her intensely even while she was watching the road.

His staring didn't annoy her anymore. It made her want to stop the car, turn around and kiss him.

She needed something else to focus on.

"I'm sure the therapist has an idea how to approach the topic without adding to her trauma" she went back to their previous topic, causing his gaze to cloud with worry again. She immediately felt terrible. Couldn't she have changed the topic to something that would lighten up his mood instead of darkening it?

o-o-o-o-o

They were currently seated in the waiting area of the therapist's office. They had books and toys there and Kate listened to Castle reading to Sophie again. She loved his reading voice. It was soothing, relaxing and made her want to snuggle into him.

That was what Sophie was doing. Kate didn't mind a bit that he completely focused on the little girl. It gave her the opportunity to study him without him noticing.

His arms were around Sophie, holding the book in front of her. His eyes were focused on the words. He was wearing a light blue shirt that made his eyes shine even bluer than usual. A strand of his hair fell into his forehead and Kate's fingers itched to put it back in place.

"Sophie Medusa" the receptionist called and held the door to the doctor's office open for them.

Castle carried Sophie in and Kate followed them in.

"Mr Castle, hello, we talked on the phone this morning?" the doctor asked as she shook Castle's hand. She was a beautiful young woman with blonde hair and warm brown eyes around Kate's age.

"Yes" Castle confirmed. "Thank you so much for getting me an appointment so fast, Dr Hanson."

"It sounded urgent" the woman replied but from the look in her eyes Kate wondered how much Castle's fame had played a role in getting the appointment. The doctor made flirty eyes at him and Kate had to swallow down a slight feeling of jealousy when Castle smiled at her.

"It is" he said shortly, he didn't like to talk so much about Sophie instead of with her. "Look kangaroo, this is Dr Hanson. We are going to talk to her now."

"Hello Sophie, my name is Dr Hanson, why don't we sit down all together?" She pointed at a comfy looking couch in a corner of the room. Most of the room was designed for children. There were a lot of toys and books and everything was colorful and bright.

The doctor was trying to get on a trustworthy basis with Sophie, when Kate's phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw it was the precinct.

"Sorry" she said before she silently left the room to take the call.

"Beckett" she said once she picked up the call.

"Hey Beckett, we've got a new lead. We scanned the area again and found a homeless guy whom we could bribe into talking" Ryan told her while Espo grumbled something about a new jacket he had to give up for the guy. Kate chuckled. She could totally imagine her colleague pouting because of the jacket all day.

"He told us that Cornelia was hanging around with this Spanish looking guy, said he was pretty sure they were doing drugs together. They even had a place they went to on a regular basis. We already checked it out and found some things. Tissues, syringes, old clothes and so on. Lanie is running DNA right now. And we've got a phantom picture thanks to the homeless guy"

"That's perfect guys, well done. So we probably won't need Sophie as a witness?" she asked, feeling relieved. Castle would be so happy about this.

"Doesn't look like it. This guy seems to be a solid lead. If we can connect him to the murder or he confesses we can leave poor little Sophie out of it" Ryan continued.

Kate sighed in relief. "Thank god"

"How is she doing anyway? We were wondering"

"Okay, I guess, given everything she's been through" She didn't want to elaborate, thinking it wasn't her place to tell them. "Did Montgomery say anything about me coming into the precinct?"

"Wait" Ryan told her. "He is just stepping out of the elevator right now." She could hear him talk to the captain before her bosses voice came through the phone.

"Don't bother coming in, Beckett. I think your boys have everything under control. Just keep an eye on the girl" Montgomery told her.

Kate was pretty sure it was just an excuse Montgomery used to push her towards Castle but she wouldn't complain about it.

"Ryan wants his phone back. Lanie called Esposito to tell she had a match that fitted the description of the homeless guy. Bye Beckett, enjoy your day" The line went dead and Kate shook her head at her boss, grinning stupidly. If he only knew her thoughts about Castle.

She trusted the boys to do this on their own and knew they would call her if they needed help. She silently slipped back into the doctor's office. Sophie and the doctor where playing with dolls on the floor while Castle watched them.

Kate sat down beside him and squeezed his hand.

"You okay?" she asked.

He nodded "Yeah, Dr Hanson said this session is mostly about Sophie starting to trust her but she wants to see her on a weekly basis given how traumatized she is. I didn't yet get the chance to ask her what to do about the case. I was hoping you could distract Sophie while I ask her. I don't really want her to hear it."

"Maybe that's not a problem anymore. The guys found another witness, a homeless guy. They have solid leads and are going to start searching for the suspect soon."

Kate could see the tension in his shoulders ease at her words. He looked like she had just lifted a heavy burden from him. He let out a relieved sigh and she smiled at him compassionately.

He squeezed her hand thankfully and went back to watching Sophie.

When the doctor and Sophie came back from playing on the floor, the little girl went back to sitting in Castle's lap.

"It was so nice to meet you, Sophie. I'm looking forward to see you again next week" Dr Hanson spoke before she turned to Castle. "Well Mr Castle I guess that was it for today" then she handed him her card, scribbling something onto it first. "If anything comes up just call me. I wrote my private number down too, in case of an emergency or something" She winked at him and Kate wanted to punch her.

Castle gave her his most charming public smile and said "Thank you so much, but I was hoping I could ask you some questions before we have to leave."

Then he turned towards Kate, looking apologetic "Could you go ahead to the waiting area with Sophie and read to her while I talk to Dr Hanson?"

Kate eyed the other woman for a second. She definitely didn't like the looks she was shooting in his direction, like she wanted to undress him. Ugh.  
But when she looked at Castle who was looking at her with loving and pleading eyes she gave him a smile and a nod before she turned to Sophie.

"What do you think, Sophie? You want to read another book?" Sophie waited for Castle's approving nod before going outside with Kate.

Castle watched them leave. Sophie's little hand in Kate's. They looked adorable together. He loved seeing how comfortable his partner seemed to be around the kid today after being at a complete loss of what to do yesterday morning when they found her. When they walked out the door he turned back to talk to the doctor.

"I was wondering if you would have some advice for me what to do when she is waking up with a nightmare and what to do about the whole carrying her around thing" he said. It wasn't like he didn't notice the approving looks she shot him, he just decided to ignore them. He wasn't interested and he never started something with a person that had to do with his kid anyway, like a teacher or in this case a therapist.

"I think you should just keep doing what you did until now. Sophie seems to be okay. It's important that you respond to her needs. Show her again and again that she can trust you. It's not a problem if you carry her around when she is scared or needs comfort. Just make sure she gains some autonomy" the doctor told him and Castle nodded.

"Thanks doctor. One last question, what about telling her that I'm her father?"

"Just take a moment where the two of you are alone and explain it to her. This shouldn't be a problem, given how much she already trusts you."

"It's not too much for her at the moment?" Castle asked. He wanted her to know but he was unsure when and how to tell her. She missed her mother of course and he didn't want to make her feel like she would betray her mother or something.

Dr Hanson told him again that she thought it would be no problem and they both got up.

"Well, thank you, doctor. I really appreciate your help." Castle said, itching to join Sophie and Kate again, now that his questions were answered.

"We could always talk some more over dinner" she replied, raising her eyebrows in a flirting manner. Castle sighed internally. He had hoped he could avoid this conversation. He gave her a tight smile.

"I'm sorry. But I want to focus on Sophie right now" he said, hoping it was enough to turn her down.

"I could help you and besides you should take some time for yourself every now and then anyway" she said suggestively.

Castle ran his hands through his hair. He hated this. Why couldn't she just accept that he wasn't interested? He was here for his kid, for hell's sake.

"Look Dr Hanson" he started, intentionally staying with her professional title. "You really are a beautiful woman. And I'm sure you are interesting and smart as well but I'm kind of in a relationship right now and I definitely don't want to jeopardize it" he explained. Well, officially he wasn't in a relationship but he hoped to be soon.

"I really hope you are still willing to see Sophie and help her but if it's too difficult for you to stay professional now I would understand"

She quickly hid her disappointment and gave him a short nod.

"It won't be a problem. See you next week. Please make an appointment at the front desk"

When he finally left the office he leaned at the door for a short moment, releasing a deep breath he didn't knew he was holding. This didn't go _too_bad.

When he walked into the waiting area, Kate looked up. "You okay?" she asked, Sophie was asleep in her lap which was the most adorable sight Castle had seen in a while.

"I'm fine" he said while he picked his little daughter (he still wasn't used to that term) up. "Thank you for watching her." Kate smiled in response.

She bit her lip, walking beside Castle.  
"She didn't want to jump your bones?" It just slipped. _Perfect Kate_, she scolded herself, _now he__ knows__ that you are jealous. _

Castle needed a moment to realize that she was talking about the psychologist.

"She did" he answered. "That's why it took me so long" he just kept walking but Kate stopped dead in her tracks. She felt sick. Clearly he hadn't…? She couldn't finish that thought.

When Castle noticed she wasn't beside him anymore he turned around. She looked like she was in shock. He didn't know if he should be amused or hurt that she was jealous. Clearly she couldn't think that he was sleeping with someone else after their talk and their almost-kiss yesterday, could she?

"I needed to turn her down gently enough so she would still see Sophie" he explained.

"Oh" Kate looked away, blushing with embarrassment.

He should just kiss her, reassure her that he didn't _want_to kiss anyone but her. Or let his bones be jumped by anyone but her. Instead he held out his hand and asked softly "Are you coming?"

She took his hand and felt warmth spreading all over her body at the little contact.  
"What did you tell her?" she asked. She should just let the topic go. But somehow she couldn't. She somehow needed to know.

"I told her that I'm in a relationship. Kind of"  
Kate squeezed his hand, knowing he was talking about her.

They held hands until they reached the car.  
Once they were inside, Kate asked "Where next?"

Castle shrugged, unsure. "I don't know. I wanted to get her checked out but I don't think I should introduce her to any more strangers today. She is already exhausted" he pointed to the sleeping girl in the backseat.

"We could ask Lanie" Kate suggested. "She already knows her"

Castle looked at her hopefully.  
"You think she would do that?"

"Of course"

o-o-o-o-o

Half an hour later they were in Lanie's office in the morgue again. The ME checked little Sophie out while Kate checked in with Ryan and Esposito. They had their suspect in investigation. At his apartment they found the murder weapon with his fingerprints all over. They didn't really need his confession but of course they wanted to know his motive.

Just when they were about to leave Sophie's gaze fell on Lanie's computer screen. The picture of the suspect was still there. Sophie flinched back, slumped down on the floor and curled herself into a ball.

"Bad man, bad man, bad man" she whispered terrified, rocking back and forth. She started to cry heartbreakingly. Lanie looked at Kate in shock. Kate looked back at her with the same expression. Castle was currently using the bathroom. Kate was at a loss of what to do.

_What would Castle do? _Kate went over to the girl, kneeled down beside her.

"Sweetie, hey" Kate tried to say soothingly. "You are okay. Nothing is going to happen to you. Look, it's Kate." It didn't help. She whimpered and tears ran down her face.

Thankfully Castle returned from the bathroom a minute later. When he saw Sophie sitting on the floor traumatized again he rushed over to her, picked her up and pressed her to his chest.

"Shh, shh, shh, sweetie. Daddy is here. Everything is going to be okay. Shh, shh." He stroked her back up and down. "Shh, kangaroo. You are safe. I'm here."

"What happened?" he questioned when she was calmer again, looking at Kate and Lanie.

Kate pointed at the screen and mouthed "suspect"

Castle sighed.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I should have thought about it" Lanie apologized. Kate felt no less guilty. She should have noticed it. She could slap herself. Castle left her alone with his little girl for less than five minutes and she couldn't even keep Sophie from getting traumatized again.

"It's not your fault, Lanie. And yours neither, Beckett" he added, seeing her look and knowing what she was thinking. "But I think we should go home now. This was enough for one day. Thank you for checking her out, Lanie"

"You're welcome. I'm happy I found nothing" Lanie said.

"Me too. Thanks again. See you" Castle nodded and was about to leave.

"Hey Kate, are you free for drinks tonight?" Lanie asked and Kate who was walking beside Castle stopped. She glanced at Castle. Of course, now that the murderer was in custody Sophie would be completely safe with her dad without police protection.

Kate hadn't thought about this yet. She just had assumed that they would need more time to solve the case, that she would stay at the loft at least for one more night. She wanted to move forward with Castle tonight. No matter if moving forward meant kissing or just talking.

She was searching for a believable excuse to turn Lanie down. One that didn't involve Castle.  
"I don't know yet. I'll give you a call?"

Lanie eyed her suspiciously. She hadn't missed the look her friend had shot her partner.

"Sure" Lanie agreed. She was confused. She would think Kate was finally making a step into a relationship with Castle but wasn't she with Josh? If writer-boy weren't here right now she would totally dig for information. Instead she said "make sure you call even if it's just to cancel on me"

When they were on their way to the car again Castle asked carefully "you've got plans tonight?"

Kate looked at him, biting her lip. Did he want to spend the evening with her? Did he want to be alone with his family tonight? Getting used to Sophie being a part of his family?

It was completely different to be there for the case than to be there as his guest.

"You've got the Sophie-look" he told her. The little girl was asleep in her car seat again. Castle was right. She was absolutely exhausted. It was already the third time that she fell asleep today. Well, it was no wonder since she hadn't slept well tonight. 

"What's the Sophie-look?"

"The look she gets whenever she is too shy to ask for something which happens all the time." Castle studied her. She stayed silent, still biting her lips worriedly. Her gaze was focused on the road.

"I'll count that as a no then" he assumed after a while, answering his own question.

"Are you coming over then for dinner again?" he asked, hoping this was the reason why she didn't agree to go out for drinks with Lanie.

"Do you want me too?" she asked shyly, keeping her eyes focused on the road. "I mean, I would totally understand if you want to spend the evening with your family. Getting used to Sophie being there. You just found her and maybe you want…"

"Kate" he squeezed her thigh. She stopped rambling. "Yes. I want to spend the evening with my family"

She tried hard not to show her disappointment. She could understand but she had still kind of hoped that he wanted her there too.

"But you are family too. Not only to me, but to Mother and Alexis as well" She looked at him for a second and saw him gazing back at her lovingly.

"Then I've got plans tonight" Kate said, smiling at him with a smile that felt like it was splitting her face in half before turning her face back to the road.

She stopped the car in front of his building.  
"I'll see you later then" she said, wanting nothing more than to lean over and give him a goodbye-kiss.

"You're not coming up now?" he asked, showing his disappointment. She couldn't help laughing at this adorable man. His pouting was just too cute.

"No, I want to stop by at the precinct and I need to go home. Change, shower, call Lanie and so on."

"Okay" he said, quickly leaning over to kiss her cheek before he got out of the car. He went around the car to get Sophie out.

"Make sure you bring an overnight bag" he told her from behind. Her mouth fell slightly open. It wasn't like she didn't want them to move forward. She wanted. She really, really wanted. She just hadn't them expected to go so fast.

Castle noticed the tension in her shoulders and said "don't worry. No funny business. It's not like I can offer you the second half of my bed anyway. It's already occupied, remember?" he pointed at Sophie with his chin.

Before she could say anything he said "Dinner will be ready at seven" and closed the car door, carrying Sophie with one arm and her car seat with the other one.


	7. Chapter 7

Just seconds after Kate stepped out of the shower there was a knock on her door. She put on her bath robe and went to let her friend in.

She had called Lanie right after she got home from the precinct. She didn't really want to explain why she couldn't go out for drinks but Lanie being Lanie just didn't let go and invited herself over. Kate rolled her eyes. It wasn't like she wanted to keep secrets from her best friend, she just wanted to know herself what was going on before sharing it with Lanie.

"Spill" the young ME demanded as soon as Kate opened the door.

"Woah, Lanie, cool down" Kate said, holding her hands up to slow down Lanie's eagerness. "I'm not even dressed"

"I don't care if you are dressed, girlfriend. Nothing I don't have myself" she wouldn't accept this reason to postpone the conversation.

"Spill" she ordered again.

Kate sighed "What do you want to know?"

"Well, my first question is: are you still with Josh?"

"No" Kate kept her reply short to annoy Lanie a little.

"Care to elaborate, girl?"

"I forgot about our date yesterday, he called, we broke up" Kate explained. At this point of the conversation they were both in Kate's bedroom, so she could decide what to wear while they talked.

"He broke up because you forgot one date?" Lanie asked. There had to be more. She didn't figure Josh for the kind of guy who broke up with his girlfriend because of one mistake.

"_He_didn't broke up. _We_broke up. We broke up because as it turned out I spent my whole day thinking about Castle and Josh didn't even cross my mind" Kate explained and waited for Lanie to obsess about her and Castle. Secretly she couldn't wait to share her excitement and nervousness about going over for dinner. It wasn't a date. His whole family would be there but she was nervous nonetheless.

Lanie's eyes started to shine with joy.  
"Girl, this is amazing"

"What?" Kate asked confused. Breaking up with Josh was amazing?

"You, admitting that you spent all day thinking about Castle" Lanie said, proud of her friend.  
Kate smiled softly to herself without even noticing it. Yeah, thinking about Castle really wasn't that bad. Her cheeks flushed deep red when she saw Lanie staring at her, eyes shining mischievously.

"And I assume you are going over to his loft tonight? That's why you canceled on me and glanced at him when I asked you at the morgue about going out for drinks"

"Sorry Lanie" Kate shot her an apologetic look over her shoulder while she was still searching through her closet. She knew Lanie wouldn't mind. She had kept her mouth shut while Kate was with Josh but Kate knew she was voting for Castle.

"Not that" Lanie said as Kate absentmindedly pulled her favorite turtleneck out of her closet. She took it from her hands and tossed it on Kate's bed. It landed right next to the three shopping bags.

Lanie got curious and before Kate noticed what she was about to do Lanie had already picked up the bag of the familiar underwear brand.

"You went underwear-shopping without me?" Lanie asked mock hurt while she pulled the bras and matching panties out. The red one was hot. A lot more juicy than what Kate normally bought. Lanie grinned, knowing she had thought of Castle while she tried this on.

"You should wear this" she held the garment up and waved it around suggestively.

Kate blushed at the thought of standing in front of Castle with _that_on but quickly dismissed it.  
"I don't need to wear fancy underwear. I'm not going to get undressed"

Lanie raised her eyebrows skeptically "Are you sure about that? You've got three years of unreleased tension between the two of you. Better be prepared" She let the bra swing back and forth on her finger.

Kate rolled her eyes.  
"Yes Lanie, I'm one hundred and ten per cent sure because Sophie is staying in his bed so he can be there for her when she wakes up with a nightmare" Kate explained and felt warmth running down her skin just at the thought of how attentive he is to the little girl's needs. She admired him for it and couldn't get enough of seeing him like this.

"Well, you can always invite him into this guest room you stayed in last night" Lanie suggested.

"Are you insane?" Kate asked "Alexis' room is next door"

"You should wear it anyway" Lanie said but laid it aside. Kate eyed the garment. She _could _wear it nonetheless. Castle wouldn't have to know and she _would_feel good going to this not-really-date with nice underwear.

"What's this?" While Kate had lost herself in thoughts about Castle, Lanie had discovered the blue dress shirt she had bought this morning.

Kate looked up and blushed furiously. She would never hear the end of it once she told Lanie why she had bought it.  
"Nothing"

Lanie raised her eyebrows at her friend, clearly not believing her.

"It's a gift for my dad" she lied.

Lanie furrowed her brows at her. She didn't think she believed _that_, did she?  
"Your dad and you aren't doing gifts on Christmas and your father's birthday isn't until July. Besides it's too big to fit your dad _and_we both know someone whose eye color it would match much better."

"Alright" Kate gave in, feeling embarrassed. "I saw it and thought of Castle. Happy now?" She wouldn't tell her what else she had thought. She wouldn't.

"And?" Lanie prompted, seeing Kate was still hiding something from her.

"God, Lanie, sometimes I really hate you!" Kate said, not meaning it of course but feeling stupid. Lanie just raised her eyebrows and waited for her to give in. She would make a good detective.

"I thought the fabric feels good to cuddle into" she muttered it under her breath, hoping beyond hope that Lanie wouldn't hear it and let it go. No such luck, of course.

Lanie laughed and Kate threw a cushion at her, which made Lanie laugh only louder.

"You, Kate Beckett, are head over heels in love" she announced when she stopped laughing. Kate blushed again but couldn't hide her smile.

"Am not" Kate denied, knowing full well that she was lying.

Lanie gave her a look. "Of course not" she said sarcastically. "It's not like you hate cuddling with every other guy. And now you buy a shirt for Castle because you think it's cuddly. You are _so_in love with him"

"Maybe" Kate admitted and blushed furiously.

Lanie looked at her wide-eyed. Did she just admit instead of deny that she was in love with Richard Castle, the man she was complaining about on a daily basis?

"What?" Kate asked innocently.

And then she really wanted to change the topic.  
"Are you going to help me find something to wear or what?"

o-o-o-o-o

Castle was cutting the price tags from Sophie's clothes while she slept on the couch beside him. From time to time he looked over at her and watched her sleep for a while. He still couldn't believe that he had another daughter. Out of the blue. He just hoped Alexis really was okay with it.

Sophie was absolutely cute with her blond hair. She looked like an angel, sleeping on the couch. Castle couldn't help but feel sad that he had missed the first five years of her life, but was glad that he would get to raise her now. And hopefully he could make up for not being there for her the last few years when she so clearly would have needed him.

Why was he so bad at choosing mothers for his children?  
Well, in his defense he had neither Meredith nor Cornelia gotten pregnant on purpose. He sighed. He had always wished that he would have children with someone he loved and who loved him and their kids in return. But even if he would never have that he would still be glad to have Alexis and now Sophie too. Because he loved being a father. It was the part he liked most about himself.

He had thrown Sophie's new clothes in the washing machine, found a place for her toys and books in the living room until he had time to make the guest room her personal room and changed into a shirt he was pretty sure Kate liked on him. He had noticed a while ago that she was looking at him longer when he was wearing blue. Which was just perfect because it was his favorite color anyway and if it hadn't been before it would be now.

It was time to wake Sophie up now if he wanted to get her to bed at a reasonable hour. He had plans tonight. He wanted to talk to Kate, maybe kiss her or cuddle. Sophie needed to be asleep then.

Besides, she would love helping him prepare dinner and he wanted to talk to her about her being his daughter.

"Kangaroo" he whispered softly, stroking her little face with his fingers. "It's time to wake up, baby"

When she wouldn't wake up he started to tickle her lightly which caused her to squirm away from his touch. When she was fully awake he started to tickle her for real. She laughed uncontrollably and tried to get away from him.

At some point he stopped and she collapsed on the sofa beside him, her eyes shining with joy. He smiled happily at her.

"Come here, kangaroo. I want to talk to you about something" he said and patted his lap. When she sat down he turned her sideways so he could see her face. She looked at him curiously. Her blue eyes looking trustingly at him.

"Remember when Lanie took blood from you so we could find your daddy, Sophie?" he asked her. She nodded.

"We found out who your daddy is" he continued. She looked at him wide-eyed, not really knowing what it meant that they found her daddy.

"Well, kangaroo, as it turned out, I am your dad" he told her. "Do you know what that means, Sophie?"

She shook her head. She never had a daddy before. She never had met other kids that had a daddy. She didn't really know what daddies are and what they do.

"Well, it means a lot of things, actually. First of all it means that you are staying here at the loft with me, Grams and Alexis. It means that whenever you want something, you have to tell me. Or you tell Alexis, Grams or Kate and they tell me. It means that Alexis is your sister and Grams your grandmother. It means that you can start calling me 'dad' or 'daddy' if you want to. And it means that you never have to worry about me leaving you, okay?"

Then he remembered the gift Alexis had made for him at school when she was seven. The teacher had intended it to be a mother's day present. It was a little self-made book with the title "My daddy". On every new page Alexis had drawn a picture of him doing different things. For example "My daddy reads to me" with a beautiful drawing of a man with brown hair and a little red haired girl sitting in bed together and looking at a book. Altogether the book at 45 drawings and Rick loved every single one of them.

All the other kids made a book about their mothers but Alexis had always switched the presents for fathers' and mothers' day because she thought her dad deserved the cooler gifts that where normally intended for the moms.

He got the book and showed it to Sophie.

"Can you do all these things with me too?" Sophie asked shyly when they closed the book.

"Of course" Castle said, having to fight back tears. Looking through this book always moved him to tears.

"Why are you sad?" Sophie asked, noticing his wet eyes.

"I'm not sad, kangaroo. It's happy tears. I just love this book so much that I sometimes have to cry when I read it" he explained while he carefully put the book down on the coffee table. He considered the book sacred and stored it in the fireproof safe in his office.

He looked at his watch. It was getting late.  
"I need to start cooking dinner now, so it will be ready when the others arrive. Do you want to help me, Sophie?"

"Yes" the little girl replied happily, taking his hand and walking towards the kitchen together.  
"Can we eat spaghetti again?"

Castle laughed. "Sorry kangaroo. We can't eat spaghetti every day but I think you'll like what we are cooking now too"

o-o-o-o-o

Kate inhaled deeply before knocking on Castle's door. She was carrying her overnight bag. The butterflies in her stomach were dancing around like they were going crazy.

_Relax Kate, it's just Castle. _That thought didn't help anything. This was Castle and he was _so_important to her. She couldn't mess this up.

She knocked and waited for Castle to open. When he did he gave her his most beautiful smile. The one he reserved just for her. It spoke of love, trust and promises. She smiled back, sure she had the same love-sick glint in her eyes.

"Hey" they said at the same time and started to laugh lightly. He couldn't wait until he was finally allowed to greet her with a kiss. And he was sure that that day would come. Soon.

"Come in" he said, holding the door wide open. "I'm not finished cooking yet. But you can join Mother, Alexis and Sophie in the living room if you want to"

"Sure" she said, wanting to kiss him. She would be content watching him cook too but was also glad to talk to his family. She had liked them long before she had realized that she was in love with Castle (which had been just yesterday, wow).

"Hey guys" Kate greeted them.

"Katherine!" Martha exclaimed. "How wonderful to have you here"  
Kate instantly felt welcome. It was like Castle had said. She was really a part of his family. She loved it. She hugged Martha.

"Hi detective Beckett" said Alexis politely.

"Oh please, Alexis, drop the detective stuff" Kate said. It felt wrong to let her call her that when she was about to start a relationship with her father. Alexis smiled at her and nodded.

"Kate!" Sophie called, ran towards her and hugged her legs. She was perplex for a moment before kneeling down and hugging her back.

"Look, daddy showed me his favorite book" Sophie said excitedly and pulled Kate to the couch. "But we need to be very careful with it. He said he is going to cry if we break it."

Kate sat down beside Alexis while Sophie picked something from the coffee table that looked like a self-made book. She then climbed into the small gap between Kate and Alexis, careful to protect the book.

The book title was written in the handwriting of a child. It said 'My daddy'. Below was a drawing of Rick. It was very good and Kate knew Alexis must have done this when she was a kid.

"Are you sure you are allowed to show me this? Maybe you should ask your daddy first" Kate said, suddenly unsure. This seemed to be very personal and clearly meant a lot to Rick if he had freely admitted that the loss of it would make him cry.

"Nonsense, darling. He won't mind" Martha cut in.

"Yeah Kate, let Sophie show you" Alexis joined in.

When they were halfway through the book Kate asked Sophie to make a pause.  
"Wow Alexis, this is beautiful. When did you do this and how long did it take you?"

Alexis smiled. She had been so proud of this present.

"We were meant to do it at school for mothers' day and like everybody else I started to make a 'My mommy'- book but after the third page I had no more ideas and I started crying in class because all the other kids could fill the whole book with things their moms did for or with them.

My teacher suggested I made a 'My daddy'- book instead. That's what I did. I worked on it the whole day in school and continued at home. Dad kept wondering why I had to do so much homework suddenly and wanted to call the teacher to tell her he thought it was too much for someone who just started school. I begged him not to because I feared she would tell him about the book and I wanted it to be a surprise.

In the end I was the kid with the most pages and all my friends wanted to have a dad like I have. Then, on mothers' day I gave it to him. I could have waited until fathers' day but I was just too excited to wait longer than my friends did. First I thought he didn't like it because he started to cry after just a few pages."

Alexis said laughing and Kate smiled, falling in love with him deeper with every word.

Castle stood in the doorway, watching his favorite girls looking through his favorite book.

"He really cried?" Kate asked Alexis.

Until now nobody had noticed him watching and listening in. "Like a baby" he confirmed before Alexis could reply.

All heads shot up. Sophie ran over to him and jumped into his arms. Martha smiled at him, enjoying how happy he looked. Alexis walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. But Kate looked like she felt guilty.

"Dinner is ready" he announced and let Sophie, Alexis and Martha go ahead before he turned to Kate, holding his hand out to pull her from the couch.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, Castle" she apologized. She should have asked him first, no matter what Martha and Alexis had said.

"You didn't pry, Kate" he told her seriously. "I'm happy to share, okay?"

"Are you sure?" she asked insecurely.

"Yes, but let's talk about this later and have dinner first"

o-o-o-o-o

After dinner they were looking at the book together. Sophie sat in Castle's lap who was seated between Kate and Alexis. Martha was in her room, doing who knows what.

"That's my favorite page" Sophie said when they were at the 'My daddy reads to me whenever I want'-page.

They turned the pages and sometimes commented on the pictures. At one page the picture caught Kate's eyes before she read the text. 'My daddy steals police horses in Central Park and rides them naked when he feels sad and drank too much alcohol'

Kate couldn't stop laughing for the better half of ten minutes. Alexis had even drawn a picture of a nude Rick on a horse.

"That's my favorite page" Kate announced after she was able to stop laughing. Castle had watched her laugh absolutely carefree. He thought he had never seen anything more beautiful than Kate Beckett laughing full heartedly with his family. She was absolutely, stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful.

He was staring and for once Kate didn't notice it because she was still laughing at the picture. But Alexis noticed. She looked at her dad. He had a look plastered on his face she had never seen before. He was in love with her. It was written all over his face, in the expression of complete awe. Alexis nudged him in the side so he would come out of his awestruck state.

He looked a little embarrassed to be caught staring at his partner by his daughter but composed himself pretty fast.

When they turned a few more pages he was only glancing at her occasionally, smiling lovingly when their eyes met.

At the last page Rick said "And this is my favorite." It said 'My daddy loves me very much'.  
The picture showed Rick and Alexis hugging. Around them was a red heart. Kate watched him look at the page. He looked at it with so much love, eyes suspiciously wet and she just loved to see him like this. Carefree in his own home, showing his emotions.

He turned to his right and pulled Alexis into his side, kissing the top of her head.  
"I love you so much, baby girl" he whispered against her hair.

"I love you too, dad" Alexis replied, turning to kiss his cheek.

"What does 'I love you' mean?" asked Sophie, looking at them curiously, waiting for an explanation.

Alexis saw the smile drop from her dad's face, his eyes suddenly clouded with sorrow and sadness for Sophie and the life she had had before yesterday. He seemed to be too shocked and upset to speak. Alexis too was shocked. She already liked the little girl so much and couldn't imagine what it had to be like to never be told that you are loved. Even _her _mother said it occasionally. In her own way. Somehow.

Kate who had watched the scene a little from the sidelines wanted nothing more than to hug her partner and sooth his sorrows away. The wetness in his eyes wasn't from the adorable book now.

"You say it to someone when you really, really like them and can't imagine your life without them in it" she explained to Sophie when she saw that Rick and Alexis where to dumbfounded to answer her question.

Sophie smiled at Kate. She turned around in Castle's lap and hugged him.

"Then I love you too, daddy." He hugged her back. Tight. Hoping she would feel loved now. He was just about to reply that he loved her too when she broke loose from his arms and crawled over to Alexis.

"And I love you too, Lexi" she said, hugging her briefly before crawling back into Castle's lap before going to Kate hugging her too.

"And Kate, I love you too" Kate didn't know what to do when the little girl hugged her but she was gone as fast as she came, smiling proudly to have made use of her new knowledge.

Castle smiled at her, relieved that she didn't seem to be too damaged from the last five loveless years with her mother.

"Come on, kangaroo, it's bedtime" he said while he picked her up.

"Reading-time?" she asked.  
"Of course." He grinned at her, absolutely delighted that she loved books.

Before he carried her towards his bedroom he turned to look at Kate and Alexis who were both studying him.

"Will you be okay?" he asked Kate. "I'm sorry that I have to…"

"Dad, I think detec…um… Kate will be okay, right?" Alexis asked and the other woman nodded. "I'll keep her company until Sophie is asleep" she assured her dad.

When he thanked her and turned around to walk to the bedroom Alexis watched Kate watching her dad. She had the same look she had seen on her dad's face earlier. She thought about it for a while, before allowing herself for the first time to get attached with her dad's choice of woman, hoping Kate wasn't going to break her heart along with her dad's one day.

They fell into an easy conversation about school and stuff like that until Martha joined them and they practiced her text for her current play with her.

O-o-o-o-o

Half an hour later Castle emerged from his office to find his mother and Kate talking on the couch with a glass of wine.

He lost himself a little in observing Kate. She looked totally at ease with his family. His heart wanted to do summersaults.

But where was Alexis? He was still worried how she took the whole Sophie-thing despite her repeated reassurance that she was okay. It had been only the two of them for so long.

"Hey" he said when Kate looked up and caught him watching them.

"Hey" she replied smiling. The air was filled with both their desire to be alone and make progress in their relationship.

Martha looked between her son and their guest, smiling to herself when she saw them looking at each other like they were completely alone.

"Well, kiddos, I'm off to bed" she said and they both looked up, their expressions slightly embarrassed for forgetting about her presence. 

"Here, Richard, take my wine glass. I'll get another one from the kitchen to take upstairs with me" she handed him her glass and were gone before one of them could say something.

"Subtle, mother" Rick mumbled.

Kate smiled at him. "Sophie was asleep fast?"  
"Yeah, Just after I started to read the second book" Castle said while he sat down next to her. His gaze fell on the book Alexis had made him. It was still on the coffee table. He would have liked to see her before she went to sleep.

Normally he would just go upstairs, check on her, say goodnight but he really didn't want to keep Kate waiting any longer. On the other side he wouldn't be able to relax if he was constantly thinking about if Alexis was really okay.

Kate sensed that something was bothering him and decided to just ask.  
"What's wrong? Are you worried about her having another nightmare?"

He looked at her. Of course she would know that something was bothering him. He shook his head.

"Was Alexis okay when she went upstairs?" he asked, trying to hide his worries. He was _almost _sure he was being ridiculous. Alexis had a big heart and she was most likely as much determined to make Sophie's life better as he was. But he just wasn't _entirely _sure.

"You want to go upstairs, say goodnight?" Kate asked softly, somehow sensing he needed to have a little talk with his daughter.

"You wouldn't mind?" he asked unsure. "I've already kept you waiting when I put Soph…"

"Of course I don't mind." Kate interrupted him. "Go check on your daughter. I always wanted to look through your book collection anyway."

He beamed at her, thanked her and promised to be back in a few minutes. She watched him run up the stairs before she turned towards his bookshelf.

o-o-o-o-o

Castle knocked before entering. Alexis was sitting at her desk, turning in her chair when her dad came in.

"What are you doing up here? Shouldn't you be downstairs …um… talking to Kate?" Alexis would have thought that by now her dad was at least drinking some wine with the detective. He clearly was in love with her and Alexis was pretty sure that she reciprocated his feelings.

So why weren't they downstairs together?

"I wanted to see if you are okay?" Castle asked, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"Yes, dad" she said, sitting down beside him. Then neither of them said anything, both of them thinking about different things.

"You are in love with her" Alexis stated.

Castle who had been thinking about Sophie, asked "What?"

"You are in love with detective Beckett" she was still not used to using her first name. "Kate, I mean"

Castle studied her. He hadn't thought this particular words yet. He hadn't allowed himself to think about her that way when she had been with Josh and today he had just been too busy with Sophie. But of course his smart daughter was right. He was in love with her. Had been for quite a while now.

"I might be" he admitted, looking at her. "Are you okay with that?" For so long it had been just the two of them and Martha and now he and Kate were about to start a relationship and Sophie was there. And he just didn't want that Alexis felt like he was replacing her because of course he wasn't. She would always be his little baby girl.

"Dad" Alexis said between sighing and chuckling. "Firstly you couldn't do anything about it if I weren't. It's plastered all over your face when you look at her. I've never seen you like that. Secondly I really like her, dad. She is great. I think she even gets you to grow up a little" Alexis grinned.

Castle grinned back at her.

"I just thought it might be a lot of change. With Kate and Sophie…" Castle started but Alexis interrupted him.

"Dad, we talked about this yesterday. I'm really okay with Sophie being here. I promise" she looked him into the eyes so he could see that she was really being honest.

"In fact I was a little worried before. I'm off to collage soon and I was worried what you were going to do without me. I was worried you would get bored and miss me so much that you would call all day and annoy me or start playboying around again. But now I'm not. Kate and Sophie are going to keep you grounded."

"Hey" he protested. "I wouldn't do either of those things." But thinking about it he knew she was probably right. If Kate weren't interested in persuading something with him he would probably start playboying around again.

"You know I'm right, dad" Alexis said grinning. "And now go downstairs. I have to study and you shouldn't keep Kate waiting so long"


	8. Chapter 8

_Finally the uninterrupted moment you all waited so long for. And sorry for the delay. I was working on that kiss scene. It's not really my thing to write more than „then they kissed." and on with the story. But I think I did okay. _

_Now enjoy. _

O-o-o-o-o

Kate was reading a book that had caught her interest when she felt she was stared at.  
"Staring is creepy, Castle" she sing-songed without looking up, but couldn't hide her smile. She could feel him gaze at her even though she couldn't see him. He was standing on the end of the staircase and she was sitting on the couch with her back to him.

He cleared his throat and walked over to her. His eyes were shining with so much awe that Kate wondered if she had done something special to cause it.  
"What?" she asked.

"Nothing" he said, clearing his throat a second time, and dimming his emotions a little in the process, scared to scare her away. "You just look beautiful, reading on my couch. That's all"

Kate felt her cheeks flush. It wasn't like she wasn't used to getting compliments to her appearance but they never were this honest or innocent. And never delivered while she was covered with a blanket, reading on a couch.

"Thank you Castle" she replied softly, placing the book on the table next to the book Alexis made him.

He just smiled. His absolute adorable honest smile that she wanted to taste.

"You were cold?" he asked, nodding at the blanket. "I could always heat up the loft a little more. Don't want my guest to freeze."

She shook her head. "I wasn't really cold. It's just more comfy" she explained and bit her lip, trying to decide.  
"Want to try?" she asked after just a moment, lifting the corner of the blanket to invite him under.

The smile that spread over his face was so big that Kate thought he would crack his face in half. A second later she felt his warm thigh beside hers, their shoulders touching. She let the blanket fall over his lap and he secured it under his thigh.

They both enjoyed each other's company and warmth for a moment before they both started to speak at the same time.

"Alexis okay?" Kate asked while Castle said "Sorry, that I…" and caused themselves to grin at each other and blush when they noticed how close they were. She would just need to lean over a few inches and she would be able to touch his lips with hers. Her skin tingled in excitement. God, she couldn't wait to kiss him. But she couldn't just start kissing him out of the blue, could she?

"Yeah, she is fine" said Castle, smiling softly. Did he know how cute and adorable his expression got when he talked about his daughter? Kate wondered. "And sorry that I made you wait so long. I haven't thought this through when I invited you to dinner."

"Castle" Kate said gently, placing a hand on his thigh. Yeah, that felt good. "No need to apologize." She bit her lip before she added, blushing "I kind of like watching you as a father. It's adorable..."

Her cheeks were probably the deepest red but the smile he gave her was the most beautiful thing she could imagine. All proud of his daughter and of himself but in a modest way. She could not not kiss that beautiful smile of his.

Kate placed her hand on his cheek and traced her thumb over his lips, painting his smile with her finger. He looked at her in awe, completely unable to move for a moment. He couldn't believe that he was about to kiss Kate Beckett. Or better, that she was about to kiss him.

He put a strand of hair behind her ear and let his hand rest on her cheek before he leaned forward to meet her. She closed the gap between their mouths. First it was just a light touch of his lips to hers. But she deepened the kiss immediately, moving her hand from his cheek to his neck, pulling him closer.

Castle almost moaned when Kate parted his lips with her tongue. He gladly granted her entrance. They took turns exploring each other's mouths.

Somehow they ended up laying on the couch together, Castle above Kate, careful not to crush her. His hands were under her shirt, heating her skin up. His fingers were stroking over her sides, her stomach, around her belly button, under the band of her bra. All the while he kissed her chin, her neck, her collarbone.

Kate would have been embarrassed about the way her breathing speed up at his (almost) innocent touches if wouldn't have felt so incredibly good. She had her hands in his hair, her fingers stroking through the soft wisps. When he started to nibble on her neck, Kate tilted her head to give him better access and he took that as invitation to suck on her throat. God, he was probably going to leave a mark but Kate couldn't care less.

She let out a moan when he hit an especially sensitive spot. He payed more attention to it and she felt the tingles shoot through her whole body. She arched her back into him and gasped when their hips met.

He was about to pull back a little but Kate's hands left their place in his hair to wander down to his lower back in favor to trap him against her. Their faces were a few inches apart which where just a few inches too many for Kate. She leaned up a little to catch his lips with hers. Once she had his bottom lip caught between her teeth she laid back down again, pulling him down with her.

Their tongues danced with each other and Rick's hands started to wander down her body again until they hit the waistband of her jeans. First he run his fingers just a millimeter above it. Then he started to toy with the button before he finally opened it and slid his hand in.

Regretfully Kate caught his wandering hand in one of hers.  
"I should probably go upstairs" she said while she softly ran her other hand through his hair. She didn't really want to go but she should, knowing that they couldn't go any further tonight than kissing and making out a little on his couch.

"Yeah" Castle affirmed, but he didn't move to release her from under him. He knew too that tonight wasn't the night where they would go further than making out. And Kate was right, of course. If they didn't stop now, he didn't know if he would be able to. Nonetheless he looked disappointed. Kate laughed and gave his chest a light push.  
"Come on, Castle" she said "You can walk me to the door"

When he tightened his hold around her and looked like he feared she would run from him she clarified "the door of your guest room"

That earned her a smile and he reluctantly pulled away from her. But not before kissing her again. Then he stood up and gave her his hand to pull her up too. He didn't release her hand and she enjoyed the warmth and the electricity the light touch shoot through her whole body. She didn't really mind not being able to do more about it than kiss him tonight but in the long run this could become a problem.

At the door he leaned forward to lightly kiss her cheek gentlemanly. But Kate turned her head so she would meet his lips with her mouth. They kissed for a few minutes but pulled away from each other before they went too far.

Reluctantly Kate slipped out of his embrace and went into the guest room. She probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep for some time, thinking about kissing Castle. And most likely she would dream about _more_ than kissing him. She sighed. But it was a happy sigh, accompanied by a big smile. She felt like a teenager for the first time in love. But she didn't mind a bit.

o-o-o-o-o

Kate woke to Sophie screaming like she was in immediate danger.

"MOMMY!" Even upstairs her yelling was incredibly loud. She sounded so scared, so terrified. Kate rushed out of her room in her leggings and the shirt Castle gave her the other night when she stayed at the loft.

Downstairs the first thing she saw was Castle carrying Sophie in his arms. The girl was kicking and screaming, crying and sobbing. Castle was trying to calm her down.

"Shh baby, it's okay. Daddy is here. Shhh" he sounded desperate. Kate walked towards him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He turned at the touch and Kate saw the terrified expression in his own face. His eyes were wet and he was desperately rocking her in his arms.

"Dad?" asked Alexis who had come downstairs as well. Martha was right beside her.

"I can't calm her down" Castle said, his voice shaking a little. "Nothing I do is working. It gets only worse. She isn't hearing anything I'm saying. I just can't reach her. She has been like this for ten minutes now and it only gets worse" He looked around desperately. Sophie was kicking, screaming and yelling for her mother. Castle held her tight so he wouldn't accidentally drop her when her kicking got wilder.

"I'll drive you to the hospital" Kate said. "Come on" She placed her hand on his back to show him her support.

"Mommy, Mommy, no!" yelled Sophie and kicked Castle in the stomach. He held her tighter and nodded at Kate.

"Thank you, Kate" Martha said. "Please call us when you're at the hospital." She gave them a reassuring smile before heading for her car with Castle and a now sobbing Sophie. Her whole body was shaking with the sobs and she made gagging noises.

o-o-o-o-o

Hours later, in the early morning hour, when they were back at the loft and Sophie was tucked in, Castle slumped down on the couch. Worry and exhaustion were painting his features. Kate wanted nothing more than to hold him and soothe them away with her fingers. Hoping she could now that they were somewhat in a relationship she carefully sat down next to him, touching his shoulder gently.

"You okay?" she asked and felt stupid as soon as the words left her mouth. He clearly wasn't okay.

Once they had arrived at the hospital they had needed to wait another twenty minutes in which Sophie hadn't calmed down at all. She had screamed, cried, sobbed and screamed some more. Castle had tried to beg the staff to get her to a doctor sooner but the waiting room had been crowded and there were people with serious injuries. It hadn't helped that it was the middle of the night.

When they were finally, finally able to see the doctor Castle had to hold her so tight that she had thrown up with the desperate attempt to break free so the doctor could give her a syringe with a tranquilizer. After that she had calmed down pretty quickly and Castle had wanted nothing more than to take her home. But they had needed to stay, listening to the doctor, giving Castle a prescription for sedatives that he should give Sophie every evening before putting her to bed. He had told him to take her to a psychical therapist and to be careful about not overwhelming her during the day. When they finally had been able to leave, Sophie was sound asleep in Castle's arms but he had looked so devastated. Kate had shot worried glances in his direction the whole way back to the loft.

"No" Castle groaned now and let his head fall into his hands. Kate let him stay like this for a while, just caressing his back lightly in what she hoped was a comforting motion.

"Talk to me?" she suggested after a while, wanting to help him. He shook his head still keeping his face hidden in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. Kate ignored the jolt of hurt and disappointment and tugged lightly at his hands instead.

"Come on, Rick, look at me" she encouraged. He didn't but at least he said something.  
"It's my fault" he groaned out frustrated, deflating a little more. Kate's stroking hand on his back stopped moving. What could possibly be his fault?

"What are you talking about?" she asked softly.  
He shook his head again, obviously frustrated with himself. "The doctor said no overwhelming and that's basically all I did yesterday. Going shopping, seeing the therapist, dragging her to Lanie."

"You couldn't have known, Castle" Kate reasoned, running her hand through his hair and playing with it.

"Yes, I could" he said angrily, finally looking up again. His eyes were glistering with fury and frustration. All directed at himself, not Kate. "I _should_ have. It would have been too much even for a child who hadn't experienced what Sophie did."

"I should have known. I should have stayed at home with her instead of dragging her out for the whole day" he curled his hands into fists, frustration radiating from him. "God, she was so scared" he continued, focusing his gaze on his hands. "_I _was so scared"

Kate placed both her hands on his fists, gently running her fingers over his knuckles, willing him to relax his hands.  
"Castle" she said. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault that she is terrified. She probably witnessed her mother getting murdered. This would traumatize everyone. And you are doing an amazing job with her. I don't know much about children. But I think it's incredible how much she trusts you, how much she depends on your judgment of other people. You just have to nod and she is willing to come with me or Alexis or Martha."

He still wasn't looking up but his fists had loosened and Kate uncurled them in favor of tangling his fingers with hers. He met her gaze, guilt and regret still in his eyes.

"Maybe we overwhelmed her yesterday, maybe not. But Castle, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known and she was fine all day." Kate continued. "And she is okay now and with the medication and the psychical therapy she will be just fine."

Castle inhaled deeply, squeezed her hands in thanks for her comforting words and leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes in exhaustion. They sat like that for a while, holding hands, Castle with closed eyes and Kate watching him. At some point Castle sat upright again.

"God, Kate, I'm so sorry. That's probably the last thing you imagined you had to do when I invited you over for dinner. Dragging me out of my sulking. It's… god, it's just so much right now, having another child, a traumatized one no less. And I would totally understand if you wouldn't want to persue a relationship with me but please tell me now, before I fall even deeper for you. But really, I would totally understand, if you weren't…"

"Stop it" Kate ordered but her eyes were soft. "You don't have to apologize for feeling frustrated. Partners, remember? You are there for me, I'm there for you. That's how it works"

"It just feels like you have to be there for me a lot more lately" he sighed, still frustrated.

"I wasn't finished, Castle" Kate scolded "And you want to know how I know that Sophie will be fine?" she asked but didn't wait until he answered before she continued. "Because she has you now, Castle. Because you are an amazing father and I know that you will bring joy into her life, love her like every child deserves to be loved. Because you are an amazing man and I don't know how but you just have the ability to make life a little lighter, to lift the heavy burden about life. You always see the light at the end of the tunnel and you make me see it too. And if you can do that for me, I'm sure you can do it for Sophie too."

Castle stared at her in wonder. That had pretty much sounded like a declaration of love. He had no words. The lack of sleep, the worry about Sophie, the guilt for overwhelming her combined with Kate's words left him speechless. He wanted to say something, to express his feelings for her like she just did for him but he just had no words at the moment. Some writer he was!

Kate took a shaky breath but smiled at him shyly. She hadn't wanted to say that much. She just wanted to make him feel better and more confident about himself again. But she noticed that he was struggling to find words to say. She had rendered him speechless. Somehow that made her more confident again and her shy smile transformed into a pleased grin. She liked her newfound ability to rob Richard Castle of his words.

And she knew an even better way to do so. She took his face in her hands and drew him to her, lightly kissing his lips. But he immediately deepened the kiss, expressing all the things he wasn't able to say at the moment with the motion of his lips against hers. His hands disappeared in her hair, pulling her even closer.

When the need for oxygen became too strong he pulled back a little, just so much that he could rest his forehead against hers. He lightly caressed her face with his fingertips, sending electric jolts all the way through her body, setting every fiber of her being under fire. How was it possible that the light touch of his fingers turned her on even more than the kiss?

"Thank you" he breathed, giving her the sweetest of kisses. She smiled.  
"Always"

They stayed on the couch, cuddling and dozing for the last remaining hours of the night. When Sophie woke up and called for Castle, Kate got up, kissed him and went upstairs to the guest-room to shower and get dressed for work.


	9. Chapter 9

The day at the precinct had been slow. They hadn't had a new case and after Ryan and Esposito had filled her in on the confession of Cornelia Medusa's murderer they had had nothing to do but paperwork.

The murderer had been some sort of friend of the victim. They were often doing drugs together but when he had noticed that she had stolen drugs from him he had killed her while he was drunk and. Kate hated cases like that. Cases where a normal thinking person couldn't at least understand the motive to some extend. It was just senseless, nothing that would require murdering somebody.

But at least the case had brought Sophie to Castle. Kate sighed. Now she was back to thinking about him. Not that she didn't like thinking about him. She did. A lot. What she didn't like was that she already missed him. After two nights in his loft her apartment already felt empty and cold, far too quiet and just unwelcoming. It scared her how much she had already grown used to being a part of his family but at the same time she really liked this feeling.

She sighed again, stripped out of her work clothes and put pajamas on, having no intention of going anywhere tonight. She then pulled a book out of her bookshelf at random. Well, not completely at random since she picked one out of her Richard Castle selection.

After work she had grabbed something to eat with Lanie. But luckily her friend had been too busy complaining about Esposito to ask too many questions about Castle.

She run her fingers over his name on her copy of _Flowers for your grave. _His name alone sent a jolt of warmth through her. God, she had missed him at the precinct today. Had missed his concentrated face while playing _angry birds, _had missed his stares that never left her. She felt pathetic but she couldn't help it. He had texted her of course but it just wasn't the same.

Her phone on the coffee table in front of her seemed to glow with the suggestion of calling him. But she tried to ignore it. The last time he had texted her he was just about to cook for his family. He was probably tucking Sophie in or was spending time with Alexis. Kate didn't want to intrude on his family time. But she could send a message, couldn't she? If he was busy he could just reply later.

_Hey __  
What are you doing? _

She hoped it didn't sound like she was controlling him or something. Because she wasn't. She was just bored and missed him and curious what he was doing. She felt silly. She had seen him this morning, kissed him goodbye before she left for work. It had only really been a few hours since she had last seen him. She had never been this clingy with former boyfriends. Ever.

But Castle… Deep down she had known for a while now that he had the power to break her heart. But she had only recently realized that he had the power to make her incredibly happy too. And she was determined to let him make her happy and make him happy in return. She was sick of standing in the way of her own happiness.

She sighed. She missed him. But maybe reading his book was going to let her think about something else.

She had just started reading when her phone light up with a new message. She nearly dropped the book in her hurry to grab it.

_Hey beautiful,  
I just tucked Sophie in. She was out pretty fast with the sedatives and all.  
Now I'm bored. I wanted to play laser tag but Alexis has homework.  
Why are you asking? _

She felt the biggest grin on her lips at his form of endearment. Coming from anyone else she would find it sickening cheesy but coming from Castle it let her heart jump with happiness. She could totally see him pouting about Alexis not playing with him. She actually chuckled in her empty apartment at that part. She was contemplating what she should answer. Her fingers were hesitating for a moment before she thought what the hell. She was basically his girlfriend. _Wow. _She _was _his girlfriend. They hadn't talked about it, hadn't made it official but Kate knew that was just a matter of time.

_I was just wondering if you were busy or if you were up for a phone call? _

She had almost addressed him with _handsome _but had thought better of it. She wanted to see the awe in his eyes when she called him that for the first time.

Instead of writing a text, he called. Kate picked up on the first ring.

"Hey Castle" she greeted.

"Missing me, Beckett?" he teased and she could hear his grin. She rolled her eyes.

"No" _yes_

"I'm wounded" he joked "How was your day?"

"Boring. No new case and no tag-along who distracted me from paperwork" she replied with a small sigh.

"So you _did _miss me" he said triumphantly.

Kate decided not to answer to that. "How was your day?"

"Okay, I guess. I wish I could take her out, go to the park, the zoo, the museum but I'm worried to overwhelm her again. We read, played some games, read some more, colored, read, played fairy princess, read again." He recounted.

"Fairy princess?" Kate asked with a teasing grin. Which he couldn't see, but hear clearly.

"Yes Beckett, fairy princess" he said like it was the most normal thing for a grown man with a public playboy image to play fairy princess. "You have a problem with that? You think it's unmanly?"

Her teasing grin turned into a soft smile, imagining him sitting on the floor, tiny pink wings on his back and a pink crown on his head.

"No" she answered. In fact she was impressed that he was so sure of his masculinity that he had no problem to openly admit to play fairy princess with his daughter.

"I'm sure you had fun" _and looked adorable. _She wished she could have seen it.

"Yeah we had" he said and went silent for a minute. "I miss you. I wish I could come over"

Kate's heart stumbled for a beat at his honest words. Now she only missed him more. "Yeah, I do too" she admitted.

"You could come here" Castle suggested.

"No Castle. I think we can manage a day apart" Kate reasoned but really, she was tempted to go back into her bedroom, change into real clothes again and take a cab to his place.

"So, that means you are coming over tomorrow?" Castle asked hopefully. "You could stay the night again."

"Didn't you want to make the guest room Sophie's room?"

"Oh right" he said, defeated. "I already ordered furniture and promised her we could start painting the walls tomorrow."

Kate chuckled at the evident disappointment in his voice but couldn't help but wish that Sophie was able to sleep alone in her own bed.

They talked some more about random things until Kate fell asleep with his voice in her ear, having moved to her bedroom somewhere during their conversation. She should be embarrassed about falling asleep on him but she couldn't bother. She just liked the sound of his voice.

o-o-o-o-o

They weren't able to see each other until four days later because Kate had had a tough case and couldn't even spare a minute to come over to Castle's loft. They texted and even called for some minutes but she missed him more than she cared to admit.

Now she knocked happily at his door after she had showered and changed at her apartment. The case had been tough but they had solved it and brought the victims justice. Now she was excited to finally see Castle again. She missed him at the precinct. It just wasn't the same without him.

The door opened and she was greeted with the sight of an adorably smiling Castle. Without further notice he pulled her towards him and kissed her. She sighed happily and deepened the kiss.

"Hey" he said when they parted. He smiled and his eyes were so perfectly blue, shining with happiness and love.

"Hey" she greeted back, painting his smile with her finger.

"I missed you" they said at the same time and began to chuckle.

o-o-o-o-o

Later, when they sat in the living room after they finished dinner, Alexis said: „Dad, I've been thinking. About going to the zoo. You said that Ms Hanson said that it would be okay, so I thought that maybe I could take Sophie. You know, so…" She looked between her father and Kate, her cheeks a light pink. "so you and Kate can spend some time together. Go on a date or something like that" Alexis suggested with a deep blush.

She liked Kate and she wanted them to be together. And she was old enough to know that they really should spend some quality time alone together even if she didn't want to think about that too closely.

Kate felt herself blush and waited for Castle's reaction to Alexis' offer. She would really like to go on a date with him. Preferably one that ends in a bedroom.

Castle looked at his daughter. He liked the idea. He could really need a day off to spend time with Kate but he couldn't give Alexis the whole responsibility for Sophie. There were just too many things that could go wrong. And none of them had to do with Alexis' ability to care for her little sister. But he was just worried that something would trigger a panic attack and that he wouldn't be there to calm her down.

He sighed, already regretting that he had to turn the offer down, even if he would love to take it.

"That's very sweet of you, Alexis. But I don't want Sophie to go out without me. It's not that I don't trust. Of course I do. But I don't know what causes panic attacks and I don't want you to have to deal with that responsibility."

Alexis looked disappointed she had been looking forward to bond with her little sister without her dad hovering over them. And she had loved the idea of giving her dad a day to spend with Kate.

Martha who had watched the scene from some distance noticed the disappointed expressions of all three of them. She put the crayon she had used to color with Sophie down and suggested: "Why don't you all go to the zoo together and Alexis and Sophie have a sleepover afterwards?"

Both, Kate and Alexis, liked the idea but Castle still looked skeptical. "I don't know…"

Martha interrupted him. "Oh come on, Richard. What could go wrong? They are going to paint their fingernails and braid their hair and after Sophie gets her medication they are on the safe side. And if anything comes up Alexis will call you and you can be here in 15 minutes tops."

Rick still wasn't convinced. "But mother…" he started. It wasn't like he didn't want to. He was just worried. The shock from the last time she woke up screaming was still in his mind.

"Now you're just being ridiculous and irrational, Richard. Like the first time you let me watch Alexis" Martha said and Rick groaned.  
"Not that again, mother. I was just being a parent and this is completely different"

"What happened the first time you watched Alexis?" Kate asked Martha. She wished he could just agree and they could go on a date. Or skip the date stuff and go straight to the bedroom in her apartment. They could talk and eat there, even watch a movie. They didn't have to go out to have a nice date.

"He called." Martha told her. "A lot. Like every five minutes and I'm not exasperating."

Before they could go into detail, Sophie asked: "What's a sleepover?"

Alexis smiled. Now they were going to win. Sophie, her and grams against her dad could only get what they wanted. She was pretty sure Kate was on their side too but she knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't interfere in his parenting.

"Oh, Sophie, you will love it. It's something girls do once in a while. We are going to color our nails, braid our hair, watch a girly movie, eat ice cream, tell each other jokes and a lot more fun things until we just fall asleep out of exhaustion from all the fun we had. Only condition is 'no boys allowed'" Alexis explained.

"I want to have a sleepover, daddy!" Sophie exclaims excitedly. Then she asked Alexis: "Is he allowed to be in the house but in another room?"

"No" Alexis said and shot her dad a triumphant smile.

"But where is he going to sleep then?" asked Sophie, worried what's going to happen with her dad.

"Don't worry, Sophie" Kate said. "He can have a sleepover with me instead."


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for the very late update. For those of you who are still reading: I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

O-o-o-o-o

"Are you sure you are going to be alright?" asked Castle for the millionth time. At least it felt like it for Alexis.

She groaned. "Yes dad"

"Because I could stay here if you weren't" He continued.

"And cancel a date with Kate Beckett?" Alexis arched a brow at her father. "No way. You've been swooning over her for almost three years. I won't let you cancel a date with her"

"Right" Castle said, remembering that this was probably the most important first date of his life. Canceling wasn't really an option. "But if anything happens…"

"… I'll call you immediately" Alexis finished. "Now go, get dressed! You don't want to be late, do you?"

o-o-o-o-o

Kate threw another look in the mirror. Was her make-up okay? How was her hair? Did the dress stay where it should? She eyed herself critically, wondering what Castle would think about her appearance.

God, why was she so fucking nervous? Logically there really was no reason to feel insecure. All her adult life Kate had been self-confident about her appearance. And she knew for sure that Castle really really liked her looks.

But there was just something about this date that made her incredibly nervous. Which was ridiculous because she already knew Castle. They were friends already. They had already kissed. She already liked him. Really liked him.

And that was the problem, wasn't it? That she liked (okay, loved) him so much that she feared she was going to ruin it tonight.

Before she could start thinking about all the ways she could possibly screw this up, there was a knock at her door. Kate took a deep breath before slipping into her high heels and opening the door.

She was greeted with a very handsome looking Castle who currently held the most beautiful flowers in his hands that Kate had ever seen. He gave her his brightest smile before scanning her body.

For a moment he just stared at her, mouth slightly open. Kate felt her nerves flutter.

"You look absolutely stunningly beautiful" said Castle and Kate blushed slightly.

"Thanks Castle" she said, stepping back so he could come in. "You don't look so bad yourself."

„I didn't know if you wanted to go out or stay in your apartment. So I made a reservation at a restaurant but I brought groceries and wine and a selection of movies too." Castle said. „oh, and candles" he added as an afterthought.

Kate could already kiss him. He was so thoughtful.

„But I see you dressed to go out, so…" Castle started but Kate interrupted him.

„I dressed like this for you, not for some waiter at some restaurant" she told him honestly and watched his eyes sparkle. „Would be a shame to let these candles go to waste, wouldn't it?"

„Yes, absolutely" Castle nodded eagerly and stepped into her apartment when she opened the door wider. She closed the door while he shrugged out of his jacket.

„So what did you bring?" Kate asked, nodding at the paper bag in his hand.

„Chicken, some vegetables, some other things" he told her. „Want me to cook for you?"

„No way!" Kate said, taking the bag from him. „You already brought the food, I'm not gonna let you cook in my kitchen on our first date. We can do it together?" she suggested.

„Of course, good idea" Castle agreed.

Kate smiled back at him. She hoped this was a good idea. She didn't usually cook with other people. Not that she cooked that often anyway…

When she'd been younger she'd loved to cook with her mother. They were always such a good team. They were singing and chatting and gossiping all the time. She'd liked cooking with her dad too. With him she'd worked in companionable silence. As a teenager she'd liked cooking with Maddie and some other friends too. It hadn't always worked out, sometimes they had to throw away entire burned meals but they had always had fun.

But in her adult life she'd only once cooked with another person. That had been with Will. It had ended in total disaster, almost in a break up and she'd decided that she'd never do it again. At least not with a boyfriend. Certainly not on a date. But with Castle… well, Castle was an exception from many of her rules.

„How about I prepare the chicken while you cut the vegetables?" Castle asked after he'd unpacked the groceries.

„Sure" Kate agreed. „Do you have a recipe?" she asked.

„Um… no. I usually just throw things together and see what happens" he scratched his head and threw her an adorable smile. „Is that okay? Or do you want me to find a recipe on my phone?"

„No, it's okay. Let's see what happens" she smiled back at him and went to take the vegetables and a slicing board to start working on their meal.

„Great" Castle said and took another slicing board. Then they both noticed that they needed a knife too and reached for one. In doing so they bumped their heads against each other's.

„Sorry" they said in unison and started to laugh.

„Take it" Kate said. „I'm getting another one from the drawer."

Once Castle finished cutting the chicken he turned around to get some spices he could use on it. Kate who'd finished cutting the vegetables took a step back and stumbled over Castle's foot. She gasped and would have fallen backward and hit the floor if Castle wouldn't have caught her before that could happen.

If it were any other person than Castle this would have been already too much for Kate. Bumping heads and stumbling over feet wasn't what she usually wanted to include in the process of cooking a meal. But bumping heads with Castle and being caught in his arms to prevent her from falling wasn't that bad.

On the contrary, she enjoyed being held in his arms now. She'd even forgotten why she'd taken a step back in the first place when she saw the smile on his lips and the amused glint in his eyes.

„Careful, Beckett. You should watch where you go" he teased, still holding onto her. „Maybe you should put your high heels back on. Seems like you can hold your balance better while wearing those murder shoes" he said and Kate couldn't help but laugh. He was funny after all. She often had to bite her lip or hide her amusement with a roll of her eyes at the precinct but now she laughed.

Castle just smiled. He felt so happy right now, he thought his chest was going to burst with love for her. She was so incredibly beautiful. Especially when she laughed so freely.

„Maybe we should start drinking wine so you have an excuse next time you stumble" he winked at her.

„Oh, just shut up, Castle" she said, still laughing. „But yeah, we can open the wine" she said and pulled out of his arms to get them glasses from the cabinet.

O-o-o-o-o

„I want another one" Sophie said. „Pizza is my new favorite food."

Alexis had made home-made pizza for Sophie and the little girl just loved it. She'd already had five slices of pizza.

But now the elder girl shook her head. „I think you had enough. I don't want you to feel sick later because you had too much pizza, Sophie. Plus, we want to have some ice cream later, don't we?"

„Yes! Ice cream!" Sophie exclaimed.

Alexis laughed. „Yeah, you are definitely dad's daughter" she muttered under her breath before she said „Yes, but later. Now we are going upstairs and get our nails and hair done okay?"

„Okay" Sophie beamed in excitement. „Can I have blue and pink nails? Blue and pink are my most favoritest colors"

„Of course. You can have whatever colors you want" Alexis told her, smiling.

They walked up the stairs together. At Alexis door Sophie paused and looked up at her older sister.

„Can we sleep in your room tonight?" The little girl asked.

Alexis bit her lip. Her dad had asked her to sleep in Sophie's room so she would get used to her own room. Alexis had promised him she would try but they had agreed that she would take Sophie to his bedroom if she was having any trouble. She was used to sleep in his bedroom. He'd started to accustom her to sleeping in her own room the last two days though and it had gone well as long as he stayed there with her. She was still more comfortable in his bedroom.

„Don't you want to sleep in your new room, Sophie? You've got such a nice bed and these glowing stars dad put on the wall are so cool" Alexis tried.

„Please" Sophie said with wide eyes. And how could Alexis say no to that puppy dog look?

„We'll see" Alexis said. „For now we are going to my room anyway because I keep all my nail polish there."

Alexis opened the door and let Sophie go in before her. The little girl immediately started to examine everything. In some things she really was just like dad, Alexis thought. It wasn't like Sophie had never been in Alexis' room before but she always found something new that interested her.

While Sophie walked around the room Alexis started to carry all her nail polish from the shelf to the bed.

„Wow. That's a big book" Sophie held up one of Alexis' school books. „Is it like the fairy tale book dad sometimes reads to me?"

„Ah, no" Alexis said. „That's not a story book. That's one of my books for school. It's for my French class and it's called a dictionary. There are all the words in English and beside them are all the words in French. So I can look up if I don't know how to say something in French."

„What is English? And French?" Sophie asked.

Oh, Alexis thought. Her explanation obviously held a lot of new information for Sophie. Too much for her to understand anything.

„That's the language we speak. You, me, dad, grams, Kate and all the other people you've met" Alexis explained.

„What's a language?" Sophie asked.

Alexis had an idea. „Wait a second." She got up from the bed where they had both sat down and walked over to her desk where she got her globe from.

„Okay, let me try to explain it to you" Alexis said when she sat down again. She felt a strange sense of excitement. She had fun explaining things to Sophie. She loved how curious her little sister was being about everything.

„So this is the world" she said, showing her the globe. „It's called earth. All the people and all animals live on earth. Every house, every zoo, every playground is on earth. Everything that's blue is water."

Alexis showed her all the blue spaces on the globe. Half an hour later Alexis had explained countries and languages to Sophie.

„Est que tu veux regarder un film?" Alexis asked in French.

Sophie's eyes grew wide at the strange sounds coming from Alexis' mouth.

„That sounded funny" Sophie said.

„That was french. I asked if you wanted to watch a movie?" Alexis said.

„But what about painting our nails?" The little girl asked, remembering what they had wanted to do before her curiosity had gotten the better of her.

„We can do that first" Alexis answered. „and later we watch a movie."

She let Sophie choose nail polishes she liked. She'd decided to have a different color for each fingernail. Every color she'd chosen was some shade of pink or blue. One hand she wanted blue the other pink.

When Alexis reached her third finger, Sophie asked „Why can you speak French? Can daddy too? Why does it sound so funny?"

„It only sounds funny because it is unfamiliar for you. And no, daddy can not speak or understand French. I think he knows some of the basics but not that much. As for me, I know how to speak French because I'm learning it at school. I like it because if I ever go to France I will be able to talk to the people there" Alexis told her while she finished polishing Sophie's left hand and took the next five bottles of pink nail polish for her other hand.

„Can I learn it too?" Sophie asked. She was so fascinated by everything Alexis was telling her that she hadn't even looked at her fingers yet.

„Not yet" Alexis said. „When you are older. You have to go to school first, learn how to write and read in English and a lot of other stuff."

„I want to go to school. When can I go to school?" Sophie asked. School sounded like an amazing place. Alexis always went there and every time she came back she knew something new. Sophie wanted that too. She wanted to know as many things as Alexis and daddy and Kate and grams.

„Um… I don't know. You'll have to ask daddy tomorrow." Alexis didn't know her dad's plans when he wanted to put Sophie into preschool.

„Why? Can't you just take me with you?" Sophie asked.

„No Sophie. School doesn't work like that. My school is too difficult for you yet. You have to go to preschool first. There will be a lot of kids your age. You can make friends there. Like when you played with that boy at the playground at the zoo today. Only that you will go to school every day and see the same kids every day. That's even better for making friends than only meeting someone once at a playground."

„Do I have to go there all alone? I don't want to go there all alone" Sophie said, feeling sad. She wanted to go to school but not alone. She wanted to stay with daddy or Alexis.

„You'll have to eventually. But I'm sure daddy would stay with you the first days until you make some friends" Alexis said. „Now look at your nails. Do you like it?"

Sophie looked at her nails and grinned. „It's so beautiful. Thank you Alexis."

And then they chose the movie they wanted to watch after they ate their ice cream.

O-o-o-o-o

They'd finished eating and cleaning up and were now sitting on Kate's couch. They were holding wine glasses. And Kate was giggling. _Giggling. _It was the cutest thing Castle had ever seen. There was no doubt that she was at least a little tipsy from the wine which was cute too. They hadn't had that much and Castle didn't feel affected in the slightest. It was a little strange too. Normally Kate didn't get drunk easily.

Kate was still giggling. Her tummy and face muscles already hurt but she just couldn't stop. It really wasn't _that _funny what Castle had told her but she could not stop.

Castle just watched her. She was so beautiful. He could look at her all night and wouldn't get bored. Especially when she was relaxed like that.

„What's in that wine?" she asked when she was finally able to calm down a little.

„Grapes" Castle said dryly. And Kate started giggling again and almost fell from the couch. Castle reached out to steady her. Kate gasped in surprise.

„Careful Kate" Castle warned with a smile. Kate stared at him, her giggling forgotten. He was so handsome. She wanted him. Like _right now. _

„Say that again" she asked, staring at his lips. She wanted to kiss him. She was going to kiss him. Soon.

„Grapes?" Castle said confused. It didn't make Kate giggle this time though. It seemed like she had reached another phase of tipsy-ness. Castle just wasn't sure what it included. But he was sure he was going to find it adorable.

„No" Kate shook her head.

„Careful?" he was even more confused now. But Kate shook her head again. „What then? I didn't say anything else."

„Yes, you did. You said _Kate. _I like it when you say my name" she stated and looked at him expectantly.

Castle laughed but obeyed. „Kate" he said and watched her eyes grow darker. Oh. _Oh. _

„Does me saying your name make you hot for me, _Kate?" _he asked in a husky voice, emphasizing her name.

„Yeah" Kate said. She'd leaned forward. Her mouth was almost touching his. „Say it again" she whispered.

„_Kate._ I'm gonna kiss you now, Kate" he said and closed the remaining gap between their lips.

Their kiss was gentle at first. Castle wanted them to go slow. They had all night. He wanted to show Kate how much he loved her. He simply wanted to make love to her.

But Kate was more eager, she deepened the kiss and pushed against his shoulders with just a little too much force and Castle let out a surprised yelp when he fall backwards on the couch and was now lying with Kate on top of him.

Kate started to giggle again. „Sorry Castle" she said. „I think there is something in that wine. Makes me a little giggly and clumsy." She giggled again and then she pushed her hips against his and let out a groan. „And horny" she whispered and leaned down to kiss him again.

Castle made a mental note to buy a lot more of that wine. When Kate started unbuttoning his shirt he wasn't able to make any more mental notes. Or to think at all.

O-o-o-o-o

Sophie was laying with her head on Alexis tummy, sleeping soundly. They'd gotten ready for bed somewhere between polishing their nails, eating ice cream and putting on a nice Disney movie.

First the little girl had been excited about watching a movie but after half an hour she started to yawn a lot and had asked Alexis if she could cuddle into her. Of course Alexis had told her she could and ten minutes later Sophie had fallen asleep.

Alexis watched her little sister sleep for a while. Her little body was warm against her and Alexis really enjoyed the feeling. She imagined what it would have been like to hold a baby-Sophie in her arms. She would have loved to get to know her sooner but she was happy that she knew her now. She already loved her little sister very much.

She was so cute. Alexis contemplated if she should send her dad a picture or if she would disturb his date that way. She didn't want that. But then she thought that even if he were to look at his phone to see the picture Kate wouldn't mind. He'd show the picture to her, they'd both find it cute and they would go on with their date. Her dad would probably be even more relaxed because he would have proof that they were fine.

So Alexis took her phone from her nightstand, took a selfie and sent it to her father. Then she continued watching the movie they had started. It was actually one of her favorites.

Suddenly Sophie curled into a ball, scooting even closer to Alexis. She had goosebumps on her arms and Alexis figured she was getting cold so she pulled the covers over her.

Not that much later Alexis fell asleep too.

O-o-o-o-o

Kate was laying with her head on Castle's chest, trailing her finger against his abdomen in lazy circles. She was feeling warm and comfy and a little sleepy.

„That was amazing" she said.

„Yeah" Castle agreed, he kissed her on the top of her head.

„Kate?" he asked.

„Hm?" she mumbled, too lazy to speak.

„Are you still tipsy?" he asked.

„I don't think so, why?"

„Just wanted to know" he said. Kate didn't believe him that he had asked that without reason but she didn't say anything. She just enjoyed cuddling with him.

They cuddled for a few minutes longer when Castle broke the silence again.

„I love you" he blurted out. Just like that.

Kate was speechless. The butterflies in her stomach started to flutter in excitement. She hadn't expected him to say that so soon.

„I…" she started but despite the fact that she was very happy about it she couldn't say it back yet. She was sure, she loved him too but the words didn't want to leave her mouth yet. So she just turned in his arms so she could reach his lips with her own. She kissed him sweetly.

„I'll say it back soon" she said and tried to show him with her kisses that that day wasn't far away at all.

„That's okay, Kate" Castle whispered, lovingly caressing her face with his hand. „Just tell me that you're in this."

„I want to be with you, Rick. I'm in this" she told him and gave him another kiss before she went back to laying her head down on his chest. Because she was really a little tired. He had worn her out. She yawned and he chuckled.

„Sleep Kate" Castle told her. „We can talk in the morning. I'll be there."

Kate hummed contently and then she just laid in his arms, her breathing even. Castle was sure she'd fallen asleep when she mumbled into the silence again.

„Rick?" her voice sounded sleepy but happy.

„Hm?" he asked, on the brink of sleep too.

„I really really like you and I can't imagine my life without you" she told him dozily. And Castle's heart skipped a beat. Because she'd practically told him that she loved him. These were the exact words she'd used to explain to Sophie what _I love you _meant. And now she'd said them to him. He felt like the luckiest man on earth.

O-o-o-o-o

_I'm planning on writing at least one more chapter/epilogue for this story but I don't know when I'll find the time (and inspiration) _


	11. Epilogue

_Here come's the epilogue. Sorry it took so long. This isn't even the one I had planned. The other epilogue felt a little too far away from the story. And yesterday I finally got the idea how I wanted the last chapter to go. So here it is. _

_I'll probably post the original epilogue too as kind of a bonus story. After all it is already written. _

O-o-o-o-o

**Two months later:**

Kate flopped down on her bed, making Rick instantly aware of her presence. He watched her laying down beside him, he put his book on the nightstand. Kate smoothed her pj's down and let her head sink down on the pillow, her hair still wet from her bath.

Sadly the comfortingly warm water of her bath hadn't done anything to ease the tension or improve her mood. She hoped she could get away with telling her boyfriend that she was too tired to talk or to do anything. Otherwise she could guarantee that she would pick a fight with him over something ridiculous. Like she'd done with Ryan and Esposito this afternoon over lunch.

She really felt tired but that wasn't the whole problem. The bigger problem was the ache in her chest, her heart, to which she had no right to feel it. Rick was amazing, the perfect boyfriend. He kissed her goodbye in the morning, he greeted her with a kiss and homemade dinner whenever she came over to his place. Sometimes he even brought her flowers just because he felt like it. He draw her baths, he gave her space when he felt like she needed it. In summary he was the best boyfriend she'd ever had and more than she could ever have hoped for.

_But still… _

She tried to shake the thoughts of. Maybe a good nights sleep would help her sort her complicated feelings. She scooted further down the bed, rolled to the side that wasn't facing her boyfriend and closed her eyes.

„Night, Castle" she mumbled. She pulled the covers over herself, curling into them, knees pulled to her chest, arms close to her body like she was curling into a ball.

„Kate" Castle said softly. „What's wrong?" He had scooted closer to her but wasn't touching. He was surprisingly good at giving her space, had instantly recognized her need for space when he'd come over for their scheduled dinner date that evening. So they'd just eaten the take out he'd brought and after that he'd surprised her with a bath he'd drawn for her when she'd changed out of her work clothes. And then he'd left her to enjoy a little quiet time while he'd done the dishes. Knowing that after a stressful day that was how she wanted to unwind.

But of course her observant boyfriend had picked up that she wasn't just stressed from a case. No. This wasn't her usual behavior and of course he noticed. Normally after a bath she would be especially relaxed and touchy. The least she would do after she came out of the bathroom to join him on the bed was cuddle. Not today though.

Still, she denied it. „Nothing. Just tired" she said and sank even deeper into the covers, her chin now hidden too.

„Kate" The gentleness in his voice intensified the knot that was tied around her heart. Her feelings were so stupid. She didn't want to feel how she felt. He was perfect. They were perfect. _And yet… _

„It's nothing" she said but to her own horror her voice was shaky and quiet because of the tremble in her lips. She bit on them to keep them still. But the trembling had other plans and spread out to her whole body. Her eyes teared up and she was trying hard to hold the sobs in.

„It's not nothing" Rick said, his voice so full of understanding even if their was no way he understood what was going on. He scooted closer and hugged her. Well, he hugged the ball made of covers that contained her.

The moment his arms enclosed her she couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears started to stream down her face and the occasional sob broke free. She tried to hold them in but she couldn't. Not while she was encircled in Rick's loving embrace. She felt too safe and loved there to contain her emotions. Which was normally a good thing but not when she was having stupid feelings like she had now.

For a moment Rick just held her. To be honest he was a little shocked by her outburst. Absolutely clueless what had caused it. Nonetheless he stroked the covers she was laying under, not knowing if she could even feel it but at a loss of what he could do instead.

„I'v got you, Kate. I love you" he told her, hoping to comfort her with his words.

Her body shook with a few intense sobs after his admission. He didn't know if that was a bad thing but she let him held her. So maybe he was doing something right.

„Can you tell me what's wrong? Maybe I can help" he suggested. But Kate just shook her head miserably. She was being so stupid. She had no right to be this upset. This was ridiculous and absolutely not like her. But she just couldn't help it. The tears flew and the sobs broke free without her consent. Even trough the covers she could feel Rick's body warmth and the overwhelming feeling of his love for her made it impossible for her to close her feelings of.

With every minute that her crying continued Rick was growing more concerned. He'd never seen her this upset before. It had to be something very serious to upset her like this. But she wouldn't talk to him and that was making him a little desperate.

„Kate" he breathed, desperation showing in his voice. She took a few deep shaking breaths through her mouth, her nose probably stuffy because of the crying, and then she finally said something.

„I just miss you" she got out, her admission ending on another loud and heartbreaking sob. With the covers still tucked tightly around her she turned in his arms, her wet face finding its hiding place in the crook of his neck. His shoulder was instantly soaked with moisture from her tears and probably snot too.

„I'm right here" he told her soothingly but with a hint of confusion in his voice. He pulled her tighter against him but the covers made that a little difficult. Against his neck and shoulder he felt her shaking her head and sobbing against him, tears soaking his shirt.

„Let's free you of these covers a little, okay?" he said but didn't wait for her response. He untucked the covers around her and adjusted her a little so that she was now lying with her head on his chest. Her left ear right over his heart. She tightened her arms around him, clinging to his body as she sobbed.

„Hear my heartbeat?" he asked softly. „Just focus on that."

He felt her take a deep breath in and let a shaky breath out. She repeated that a few times and her breaths were growing less shaky after a few minutes. When she was calmer he loosened his hold on her a little and moved one hand up from her back to stroke her hair.

„Talk to me?" he asked after some time.

Kate breathed in deeply. „It's stupid."

„It got you crying. It can't be stupid" Castle reasoned.

„It is" Kate argued. „It's stupid and selfish."

„Honor me" Castle said, still stroking her hair.

„I miss you, Castle" she whispered, a few tears slipping free and soaking his shirt further.

„But I'm right here" Castle said. „How can you miss me?"

She shook her head. That's not what she meant. „I miss you at work. As my partner" Kate admitted, feeling incredibly stupid and ridiculous.

„It's so stupid and selfish. Being at the precinct is not even your real job. But I just miss you there. I miss you making me coffee, I miss you fidgeting in your chair beside my desk. I just miss working with you. I don't know why it hit me so hard today but I've been missing you the past two months. It probably just caught up with me tonight. We had a crazy case today with so much potential for a crazy theory and you weren't there to provide one. Ryan and Espo were making fun of it. Ryan was mimicking your voice and talked about CSI conspiracies and aliens and then Espo joined in and mimicked me scolding you for being overly imaginative. And normally I would just have ignored them but today I snapped. I miss you so much and they were making it worse. So I snapped at them and they were so shocked they didn't talk to me the rest of the day."

„Oh Kate" Rick breathed, bending his head to drop a kiss on the crown of her head. „Why didn't you say anything before?"

„Because I have no right to feel this way" she said. „It's not even your real job. And you have Sophie to care for. Which is far more important than keeping me entertained at _my job_. I should be able to do my job without my boyfriend there."

„As you said, I'm not just your boyfriend. I'm your partner too" Rick said. „You have every right to miss your partner, Kate. You are used to me being there, to us working together. I haven't felt it the way you have because I'm in an entirely different setting right now. But you are doing the same thing you've done _with me _for the past three years and I'm not there anymore. And I miss you too. I'm looking forward to seeing you all day and when I don't see you I'm becoming grumpy and after two days apart I'm restless and even Sophie tells me to go to your place because I'm being unenjoyable. She picked that up when Alexis said it."

„We are ridiculous, aren't we?" Kate asks, chuckling. It's not a laugh, it's more tears than amusement but it's a start.

„We are" Rick agreed and placed another kiss on her head.

They lay in each other's arms for a few more minutes before he broke the silence again.

„I'm going to put Sophie into school" Castle stated. Kate instantly shook her head and pushed herself up from his chest so she could look at him.

„No, Castle. You can't do that on my account. Just because I miss you doesn't mean you can put your daughter into school before she's ready. I don't want that. I'd rather miss you for another few months and have the occasional crying fit because of it than cause Sophie trauma by putting her into school before she's emotionally ready for it" Kate argued vehemently, the fire in her eyes coming back.

„I'm not. I think she's been ready for a few weeks now. She keeps asking me when she can go to school and learn awesome stuff like Alexis does. I think I kept telling myself that she wasn't ready because I wasn't" Castle mused.

And now that he'd spoken it out loud he knew it was true. Ever since his first official date with Kate and Sophies's first sleep-over with Alexis the little girl was asking him about school. He'd thought then it was too soon. And at that time it was because she'd talked about wanting to go to school with Alexis but in the past weeks she'd talked about going to preschool alone and he'd ignored it.

And that was because he hadn't been ready to let her go. He'd just found her and hadn't had that much time to bond with her and that had made him nervous. He was determined to provide Sophie with the same emotionally stable basis and support as he'd done for Alexis. But he was nervous about it because he hadn't gotten the chance to spend her baby years with her and was now anxious to let her go.

But it was time. And maybe it had needed Kate breaking down because she missed him because he was overprotecting Sophie for him to see that.

„Are you sure?" Kate asked, looking into his eyes. Not caring that he could see her puffy eyes and face.

„I am" he reassured. „I'm gonna talk to Sophie about it tomorrow and then I'm gonna call the principal"

„Okay" Kate agreed and let her head sink down on his chest again. She felt a little guilty at how relieved she was about this but the knot in her heart loosened at the prospect of having her partner back.

„Preschool is only a few hours a day though, is that okay?" Rick asked. That was important to him too. No matter how ready Sophie might be for school he didn't want his child to spent more time with strangers than with him.

„Yeah, of course. I wouldn't want to keep you away from Sophie that long anyway. Especially since I'm stealing your time in the evenings too" Kate told him.

„You are not stealing my time, Kate" Castle immediately protested. „But now that we are kind of talking about it anyway… Would you like to move in with me? With us?" he proposed the question he'd thought of asking ever since she'd stayed at the loft as Sophie's protective detail.

Kate stilled. She'd been tracing lazy circles with her finger on his chest. The movement halted.

„Kate?" he asked after she failed to answer.

„I don't know, Castle. Don't you think it's too soon for that?" She wasn't opposed to the idea. The contrary to be honest but she was afraid to rush anything and to screw their relationship up in the process.

„I don't think so" Castle told her, feeling that he could convince her. „You already spent a great amount of time at the loft. My mother, Alexis and Sophie see you as a family member anyway and they love you. Plus we wouldn't have to miss each other. Even when I can't make it to the precinct every day."

„But what if it gets too much? What if I suddenly can't cope with being a part of a family all the time?" Kate asked, biting her lip. „I've been living on my own for so long. I don't know if I'm ready for a full time family"

„You could keep your apartment. As a place of refuge. You can come back here when you feel like it's getting too much. But your home would be at my place. _Our_ place" Castle suggested.

„I think, I'd like that" Kate told him, feeling almost giddy now. She was getting her partner back and she was going to move in with her boyfriend. Who would have thought that a crying fit would have such an amazing outcome?

„Great" Castle exclaimed happily, kissing the crown of her head once more, his hands resting comfortably on her back.

„How about we sleep now?" he asked. It was pretty late and Kate had to work in the morning and he had to be back home to make breakfast for his daughters. But Kate shook her head.

„I've got a better idea" and with that she rolled from his chest while pulling him with her so that he was on top of her now. She lifted her legs from the mattress, closed them in his lower back and used them to pull his hips to hers.

„Make love to me, Rick" she whispered against his lips before she kissed him. Not having to wait at all for him to respond.


End file.
